1973: The Day Of The Dolphin (20th one done!)

What else happened this year? Mao died, leaving hundred of millions of people to grieve the man who starved and killed millions. I have a feeling there was some Israeli thing too? Checked: Nope, that was 1967, 1976 was when Iceland and The UK pretended to go to war over fish. Simpler times. 

What is the plot - in one sentence? A gruff academic works hard to train dolphins to talk. 

I don't have time, just spoil it for me... Wait, what? They pretty much do talk, they also very much get abducted and used to bomb the President's boat. They escape and return after the 'hit,' but the academic tells them he doesn't love them to make them leave, and they escape together. He's telling them that because they'll stay if he tells them otherwise. It's supposed to be a big emotional moment, but it's an Oscar Winning actor bellowing in pidjin English at some dolphins. Also, the group that's fundung the 'talking Dolphins' thing, is also the group which kidnaps the dolphins, in what is revealed as a shock twist, but isn't a surprise at all - who else would it be?

What is the meaning of the title? Dolphins feature heavily in the movie, but 'Day of The Dolphin' suggests that there would be some sort of planet of the apes style uprising. I think they just went for that because it's alliterative. 

Add in some elegant harpsichord music to this minutes-long scene of a stunt-actor pretending to be George C. Scott and a dolphin frrollicking romantically, and you really start to realise how freakin weird this is. [Here's the music]

 

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? There's no violence against women (which shouldn't be a noteworthy thing) but there are a lot of scenes of dolphins being kept in tiny tanks and being laid out onto canvas stretchers. Actually this whole movie was as grim as it was crazy, and tt wasn't sane. Thinking about it, some of his staff et killed by government forces, but I've blanked that from my mind. 

Any thoughts? This plot description I gave above sounds weird enough for a mid-budget movie with at least one genuine star in it (George C. Scott is there as the professor), but it's even weirder than that. Weirder than people voicing dolphins to talk to George C. Scott, weirder than him paddling around in pools with them, is the faux-gravitas of the music that is played throughout the movie. I linked to it above. It's supposed to sound intriguing and relaxing I guess, but it's used during the bomb scene, and during one of the scenes the dolphins are 'kidnapped' by being put on canvas and left in the sun on a deck of a boat. 

Would you recommend this? It's weird, but left me feeling very sad, so it's not even 'weird funny' like a lot of movies of this era are. 'George C. Scott shouting at dolphins who shout back at him, directed by the guy who did the Graduate' sounds like it might be fun, but it isn't - so keep this on your 'too weird to watch' list. The only thing of note might be that the ending is a pre-cursor to Free Willy - in that the animal in question escapes by jumping over a wall but will probably die in the wild. 

Final thoughts? George C. Scott's wife in the movie is George C. Scott's wife in real life. She's far too young for him, and it looks like he's married his daughter. The movie also starts with him giving a lecture about dolphins to an interested audience. He makes a couple of sentences to start, and then says 'any questions?' He's a terrible speaker - apparently he was pissed off about being made to look a fool in Dr. Strangelove, so made sure to be as cranky as possible in this movie. I'm not kidding that a lot of this made me feel very sad indeed, and not in the intended way. I'd be happy enough just forgetting this ever happened.

 That's enough of that for the rest of my life, but if you want to read more of this waffle, please click here for a full list. I'd also like to thank blogspot, for not responding to coding to make all the text double spaced, and have half of the paragraphs smushed together. Cheers! 

1959: Ride Lonesome (19th)

What else happened this year? From memory, some Soviet stuff? and was it the invention of the birth control pill? Checked - Pill was that year, and 1959 was a Camp David agreement between the US and the Soviets, so that was all sorted. Yeah, not bad.

  What is the plot - in one sentence? In the 'Wild West,' we follow a group who for various reasons are trying to bring a prisoner to trial.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? Here's the crew: An old bounty hunter, who has in his command the convict captured in the movies first scenes; these two are later joined by a pretty lady whose husband was killed, and is looking to head to a city; and two other guys (played by Adam Carthwright and a very young, very skinny James Coburn), who are looking for a fortune to buy an amnesty for some previous crimes, as they desire to buy land and work it - on the straight and narrow. 

  The bounty hunter (played by Randolph Scott) had captured this particular criminal because a long time ago, this criminal's brother had killed the bounty hunter's wife. He lures the convict's brother and his gang to a meadow with a tree in the middle. It turns out that tree is where the bounty hunter's wife was hanged. At the end of a fight - the elder brother is dead, his gang dispersed, and the tree burned down in an act of catharsis. The original criminal is handed to the two other guys, who look forward to cashing in on the bounty. They bring the lady with them, and the bounty hunter remains on his own. The end. That was a tough one to summarise, but it serves you right for asking. 

 

What's the meaning of the title? I guess the main bounty hunter is riding on his own because he wants vengeance and to complete his mission. Others joining his party is only temporary, as he's alone at the end too. 

She's brushing her hair, and they're talking about her knockers. Can't blame 'em.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Au contraire! The woman (note singular) in this movie is largely independent, she's not totally useless in battle, and she's able to fend off the advances of various men despite her husband dying THAT DAY. Seriously they discover her husband's body and Adam Cartwright and a Native American guy start hitting on her. She's also squeezed into those weird 1950s bras that make the boobs look like pyramids, which is a pro and a con.

Yes, a huge part of the plot revolves around getting revenge for someone killing the guy's wife...Yes, ... they were going to trade the woman in for a horse, but they don't, and it was a VERY good looking horse, so we've got to look to the positives here.

Any thoughts?

   I liked this movie. It had good performances, some good action and it drove along. Despite that, the fight with the 'Indians' was largely pointless except to add some action to the story, and it led to them sleeping in the old farm that they'd been using as cover for the gunfight. They have some quite serious conversations there - the woman's husband had died that day, for one - but the corpses aren't mentioned, and there would have been a few of them around.

Of note is James Coburn appearing here as an emaciated youngster with the same face he'd always have, in what must have been a very early role for him. The other question remains, what happens to the woman in the end? Will she just marry Adam from Bonanza? Is that what's going to happen? Let's say yes, but if that happens, what will happen to James Coburn? His character seems besotted with his mate, and responds to being asked to be a business partner the same way most female characters of this time would if proposed to.

Also of note is that the only woman in the movie (tm) complains about Randolph Scott killing people for money throughout the movie, despite a) him saving her life, and b) the fact that she works out that there's more to the story than he's letting on, and that she owes her life to him. Just chill, pointyboobs, there's always a plan.

Would you recommend this?

Yeah, I liked this. I have a lot of time for straight up, 1950s morality westerns, so I'll reccommend this. Lee Van Cleef is the older brother of the convict fella, but while they aren't anywhere near age appropriate as brothers, Lee does manage to bring some menace to the procedings. That's all I need to say there.

Final thoughts? 

There are long scenes of riding, with the scenery captured in cinemascope, which is a technique which was a precursor to widescreen or imax. It's nice, and it showcases the scenery well, but I'll admit it though, that watching it on a small TV doesn't quite do it justice.

Final thought: The Native American guy who tries to capture the woman in the movie looks like Alice Cooper. There, I said it. 

 

More of these can be found... Mhere. Thanks!

1999: Detroit Rock City (18th)

What else happened this year? From memory, everyone was going mad about the Matrix, Will Smith was still around, and there was mild worry about the millennium. Simpler times.

What is the plot - in one sentence? in 1970s Detroit, 4 boneheads try to get to a KISS concert.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? After many trials and tribulations, they get to the concert, but not before... having sex with a crush in a church and then shouting at his religious mother; sleeping with a weird-looking woman met at a male strip club; stopping a rape and recovering a stolen car with the help of some dogs; and stopping a robbery and being made out with by the cashier for no reason... respectively.

What is the meaning of the Title? It's a KISS song. It's also where the action takes place. For the record Detroit's Mo-Town output is more culturally significant than its rock.

Here are the 4 main boneheads. Guess how many of them carved out careers for themselves after this?

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Uh... it's set in the 70s but it's very of its time in the late 90s. A girl that they meet is tied up and threatened with rape, but luckily that never happens. There's also a scene where one of the guys has sex with a woman with big features, who I was certain was going to end up being a man, because that's 90s comedy...but she wasn't, she was just attracted to a dead-eyed kid so much that she had sex with him in a very public car park and then gave him money. What was that about?*

Any thoughts? I am happy to admit that I'm not the target market for this now (though I'm still younger than KISS were at the time it was filmed - they make an appearance at the end), and I think I wouldn't have really enjoyed this even then. The four characters were completely generic when they weren't annoying. The earnest one with a religious mother was annoying, the lead one was creepy, the one with the fringe and underbite annoying, and the long-haired one was worst of all.

I also spent a long time wondering what I'd seen the 'lead' one in? He was the annoying kid in Terminator 2, and it looked like the intervening... 8... years had been hard on the guy. Also, he had stage-fright in the beginning, which is why they were playing a concert in their basement instead of to an audience - I was sure that was going to be rectified later on. It wasn't.

Would you recommend this? No. It wasn't very funny or interesting. I despised most of the characters - the stoner guy in the hat being the most annoying, and despite having a brief appearance by the band at the end, it's telling that most of the main musical beats were by other bands - you know why? KISS is all style and no substance and its music isn't good enough to hold up a movie. The soundtrack was good, but the soundtrack had very little KISS in it.

Final thoughts? I suppose that this was meant to be a showcase of the era, but Rock 'N' Roll High School did this a million times better with the music of the Ramones, and that at least had the balls to stand by its music and have a bit of charm about it. Watch that instead. The only interesting thing might be the very brief Gene Simmons tongue POV, which must have cost a lot more than the .3 seconds it was allowed on screen. 

 More of this year by year movie reviews can be found here.

*Looking it up, that woman, who has the same look that every woman Frasier would be infatuated with, is Gene Simmons' girlfriend at the time. In the logic of the movie she hung out at a Chippendales style dance club, had sex with a dance competitor outside, then gave him some money for luck. Did Gene Simmons want that, surely he must have? Weird.

1953: Second Chance (17th)

What else happened this year? Was this the embargo of Berlin? Who knows, but it was the year that the Queen of England was coronated. Wow that was a while ago.

What is the plot - in one sentence? in South America, a boxer and a runaway gangster's moll try to escape the gangster's terrifying henchman.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? At the end, they're all on a cable car together. The boxer fights the henchman off, leading to him to plummet to his death, and everyone else escapes on a scary looking contraption.

What is the meaning of the title? The second chance could refer to Robert Mitchum's character - a boxer - having a second chance at a successful career in boxing; it could be the gangster's moll getting a second chance at life without the gangster, or it could be both of them getting a second chance at love. It's probably that. 

 

Ah the 1950s, when the movie's ending is spoiled on the poster, and when if Robert Mitchum wanted to hold you, you just arched your back and let him. [Source]

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? We're in the early 50s, which might be prime 'woman gets slapped around' movie territory. The lead actress of the movie gets strangle-kissed and threatened with violence, she agrees to go with Jack Pallance in order to save her love's life - truly a fate worse than death. Also, a woman dancing provocatively gets slapped so hard she breaks up a South American party. She's later strangled (offscreen) by her husband in what turns out to be an important plot point. This was also filmed in 3D apparently, and features so much footage of cable cars going that I guess that cable cars were a brand new invention that everyone wants to see them all the time. 

Any thoughts? That idea of Chekov's gun - any gun mentioned in the 1st act will be used before the 3rd - comes here in the form of Chekov's right hook: Robert Mitchum was a prize fighter 'till he killed a man with his right hook, he's since refused to use it, leading to him fighting amateurs in South America. I was expecting the right hook to make an appearance in the final fight against Jack Pallance, but I watched closely and his finishing punch is a left. Weird. I also have a feeling that it was a dummy that was thrown off the cable car, and not Jack Pallance falling to his death, but I'll have to confirm that. 

I've talked before about the amount of walking that happens in movies, and this is another one with an awful lot of it. There's even more if you consider a chase scene through the city which takes place mostly on foot. With this, and the constant footage of the cable car, probably a third of the movie is taken up by those two, the rest crams a lot of weird details into a short time.

This movie was apparantly filmed for the 3D audience, but there's nothing I noticed that would have been cool to see in 3D - the footage of the cable car was always going diagonally to the screen, a pursuit through the streets wouldn't have been helped, the only thing I can think of is that sexy Spanish dance, but I don't think it would have added anything either. There's that maxim that adding 3d to a good movie doesn't improve it, and adding it to a bad movie makes it worse, I guess that this movie is somewhere in the middle.

The central tenant of this is unwanted romance. The central female character left a gangster, is pursued by his underling, who also wants her for himself. The underling is played by Jack Pallance, who looks and is terrifying in this movie. He makes threats of violence and strangles our heroine and pursues her like a slightly more robotic terminator. She is lucky to have met a prize fighter the day before he arrived, or she'd be a raped corpse by the end of the movie. There's a lot of weird consent stuff here - like she agrees to go with Pallance to save Robert Mitchum's life. But even her relationship with Robert Mitchum is weird, they have only just met and are willing to give each other's lives for each other. Creepily, she asks to be called the nickname her father used to call her as a kid. He obliges. The 50s was a weird time for relationships.

Also, last but not least, how did Jack Pallance get up the mountain? unless he was there already, he'd have had to have been in the last cable car of the day with the couple. As if you wouldn't notice that skeletor in a tiny cable car. Come on.

Would you recommend this? There's a fair bit of cliche and time padding. It also gets added to the list of 'Movies set in foreign lands with an annoying English couple in it,' and 'movies set in Spanish speaking countries with almost zero Spanish spoken in the entire thing.' Despite that it was unpredictable, enterntaining and the three central performances were all solid. This was fine.

Final thoughts? Yeah, not bad. Also, Robert Mitchum says he's 31 in this. He looks exactly the same as he would for the rest of his life. It's shocking to think I'm older than him, I look a solid decade younger than he ever would. He's good in this though.

Let's also spare a thought for the kid in the cable car. His mother was killed by his father, then his father died in a cable car crash in the space of about 8 hours. I don't think he's got a bright future ahead of him.

Want more of this nonsense? Click right here fella.

1998: Kirikous and the Sorceress (aka Kirikou et la Sorcière, 16th).

What else happened this year? I have no idea. On a personal note, I went 30m underwater scuba diving, a depth I haven't achieved since.

What is the plot - in one sentence? We follow Kirikou, a prodigious baby, as he tries to save the shitty people in his Saharan village from a sorceress who has stolen all of their water and most of their men.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? Why did you ask then? After repeatedly saving his village, he travels to his grandfather who gives advice on how to defeat the witch. He does, removing her curse, and instantly grows to adulthood, and he arranges to marry the now dreamy Sorceress. He returns, along with a bunch of male villagers who were supposed to have died fighting, hugs all around.

What is the Meaning of the title? Kirikou is our hero, and he is up against (and then married to) the sorceress, the lucky rogue.

Here is our hero with some squirrel-things who help him disguise himself as a bird. I enjoyed it and I'm old enough to be his grandfather.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? No, though it's set in 'Africa' so there's a lot of non-sexualised animated boobs, baby penis (Kirikou remains a naked baby until right at the end). For that reason alone, it wasn't shown in America or in movie theatres in the UK. Which makes not a lot of sense. There's a magic element to it, but it ends with him being kissed and married as a baby (albeit one who changes into a month-old-adult through magic). He also drowns but comes back to life magically, in what is a pretty harrowing scene.

Any thoughts? This was animated boldly, and was actually pretty short. Kirikou repeatedly saves the village he's in, and they repay him by getting into more trouble, threatening him with violence, and then not believing him or listening to his warning. When not getting captured or imperiled, they break into dance and make insulting songs about him. Why he's bothering to save them is a good question. As a final insult, they seek to kill him as thanks for saving the entire town forever. I hope he leaves afterwards. 

I couldn't find out, but this seems like it might be inspired by some folk tale, of a superhero baby as he's a prodigious, warthog-riding, witch-outsmarting, tunneling little devil. I liked his animation, too.

Would you recommend this? It's a nice, stylised animation, and it had some pretty funny bits, a few scary bits and some nice animal animation. Even the insulting Kirikou song (he's not big, but he's clever) song was pretty good too. I imagine that it's better for French kids than it is for a large middle-aged white guy, but I still had a good time.

Final thoughts? I have no final thoughts. Actually I liked the animation style, and would be interested in seeing more of it. There are sequels, which might be fun, but.. you know, lazy.

 for the full list of this shite, check here. 

1960: Peeping Tom (15th done!)

What else happened this year? Cold War Stuff, Probably. [Checked: yep - my history knowledge is both accurate and vague.]

What is the plot - in one sentence? A Young photographer and cinema worker shows us his life's work...

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? It involves capturing absolute terror, the absolute terror of being stabbed by a specially rigged weaponised camera which kills them. The police move in on him, and the movie ends with his suicide, which is also captured on his cameras.

What is the meaning of the title? His name is Mark, so that's a missed opportunity, but he's a Peeping Tom, and by implication, we are too, as we watch him. 

 

This is the 'romantic interest' of the killer. Despite him being a gormless killer, he could do better.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Not slapped around, but exploited and murdered, so there's that going on. Has it aged well? Maybe? This is a pretty notable movie. It appears on 'best of British movie' lists and such, so I was happy to finally get around to seeing it. I am also legally bound to mention that it was released the same year as 'Psycho' with which shares some thematic similarities. I will class both as somewhat dated but still interesting movies, with Psycho being a better movie. I don't think that's too controversial.

Any thoughts? The main guy is kind of blandly handsome and polite but shy. But... he's inexplicably German-accented, and is so awkward that everyone would instantly be suspicious of him. We're also shown that his 'murderous affliction' might have been passed to him by his father, a renowned psychologist who experimented in terror on the young boy. He shows a video of himself as a child being woken by a lizard or something, and his terrified reaction to it. In essence, he's taken over the family voyeur business and branched it out into murder. 

  He meets a psychiatrist later on in the movie (for... reasons) and comes as close as he can to admitting that he's a murderer to him, but the guy just ignores it and mentions it in passing to the police, yet another incompetent movie psychologist. 

  Note also, that he chooses to show videos of him being tortured as a child to a woman he's just met who asked to see some of his work - he could have just shown her some actual work that he's been doing. A similar thing happens when a murder happens in the movie stages where he's working (more on that later) and the police investigate, asking EVERYONE in the company to help with their inquiries. He sits around looking terrified and terrifying, and none of the police suspect anything, they even comment on the camera he has, is that meant to be funny? I guess so, but jeez. It was a simpler time then if that was just allowed to happen. Another good line from the police is 'we do have a maniac on our hands,' which is said with English confidence.

We also have another 'blind saviour' character - the mother of a young woman who, for some reason, takes a liking to the hero of the movie. The young woman, who looks like Karen Dunbar, and despite our man saying hardly anything, goes out of her way to woo him, and even tries to get herself to be killed by him. He does his best 'stop my hand from moving to kill her' acting, it reminded me of that bit in Road House where his hand is quivering with desire to tear a throat out. It was a bit ridiculous.

He also has a room where he watches all his killings on a big screen. If this was remade today, that would be his wanking room, but he seems to take an entirely non-sexual approach to it. Perhaps Gus Van Sant could add some awkward masturbation to an otherwise shot-by-shot remake of another 1960 classic?

Would you recommend this? I suppose that I would. The gore and such has aged out, as has the mistrust of psychology, which is something that it shares with Psycho. Perhaps it was just a new art (also something similar happened in Boomerang). This was fine, but I would recommend this on its own for the intense insanity of the dancing death. The director of this movie, was more famously known for dance and family movies, and here he manages to combine that with a grimy murder scene.

A young actress wants to get a video reel of herself dancing, and asks our man to help video it after hours. She dances for several minutes, and is then killed. It's a lot of fun (despite the end of that sentence), and brings a real energy to the movie. It's also fucking insane, and it's worth watching just for that.

Final thoughts? I just said I don't want to watch any more English crime movies, and then this rocks up on TV. I can see why this is hailed as a classic. It may have lost some of its power over time, but it's a true one-off, and is genuinely subversive in a way that belies its age. Interesting. I'd always seen it, on lists, and so I'm glad I'm filling in some holes in my knowledge of movie history. Hooray me.

 

This is the 15th - you can find the other 14 inane ramblings right here. 

2011: Wild Bill (14th)

What else happened this year? On a personal level, I finished university and started work. in Edinburgh. Some of those events can still be found on this page. There was a new government in the UK who haven't been out of power since, oh, those riots happened in London too! What a year for the UK! (I moved back overseas shortly after).

What is the plot - in one sentence? In London, ex-con 'Wild' Bill gets out of prison and seeks to reconnect with his kids.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? His kids have been looking after themselves for months, Bill tries to look after them but is threatened and tempted by his old, druggie pals. Bill beats the gang who'd been threatening his younger son, which leads to him being arrested and dragged away, crying and happy at the same time. 

What is the meaning of the title? His name is Bill, he's Wild. No great poetry there. 

Yet another movie poster that would have meant I wouldn't have bothered watching the movie if I'd seen it first, [source].

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Yep. Bill ends up in a relationship with a prostitute moll of the drug gang. She's led into his arms after she gets punched by one of them. As for not aged well, let's just say Will Poulter.

Any thoughts? So this is set in London just before the Olympics there. The older kid is working on a building or stadium that will be used for it. The older kid, who'd been caring for his brother, is Will Poulter, who as a kid is even creepier looking than he is in adulthood. He ends up having sex with a young mum, and that was something I didn't need to see, or think about. Actually, what happened to that kid of the girl? Will Poulter and that girl seem to be in a relationship at the end - Is he now a step-dad at 15? Let's say yes.

Also, they should have moved to Scotland instead of larking around in London. It would have been a fresh start and there aren't any drug problems in Scotland.*

This is one of those grim movies where they're impoverished and there's no way out, but they're hit with a weird form of poverty. By the beginning they eat toast for all meals, then Bill returns and they can afford beers and Chinese takeaways, despite Bill working for £2.90 an hour. Come on.

Would you recommend this? I'd just watched 'The Long Good Friday' and someone mentioned that the kid who 'protects' Bob Hoskins' car in one scene is a director. It turns out he directed this movie. The Long Good Friday ends *spoiler* with Bob Hoskins in the back of a car, in close-up running the gamut of emotions from rage to resignation, as he realises his business and probably life are over. This movie ends with Bill, in the back of a police car, in close-up, running a gamut of emotions from anger to joy at his situation. Did he think we wouldn't notice? This was ok, pretty grim, a little tense, and even tinged with a bit of humour. Yeah, enjoyable in a way, but that's it for bleak English drug movies for now.Also, the annoying gangster guy who talks in ghetto style needed all kinds of slapping, any movie with someone like that in it deserves a star rating removed.

Final thoughts? I'm pretty sure that if you fight a bunch of guys in a pub, and one of them has a gun, you'll be able to plead self-defence pretty easily. I'd also like to see it as a sequel, set now, where the joy of austerity has hit, and Will Poulter is the father of several.

The full list of movies I've made myself watch and talk about can be found here.

 

*Hehh!

 

2006: Sixty Six (13th)

What else happened this year? Hmm... Was that when those Indian hotels got bombed? Katrina was late 2005, so I think the fallout for that was a while. I have so little recollection of a year I was an adult in. On a personal level, I got out of an abusive relationship with a woman as beautiful as she was evil. Go me.

What is the plot - in one sentence? A charmless young Jewish boy finds that he's going to have his Bar Mitzvah on the day of the 1966 World Cup final.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? He has one, and it's not very good. To say sorry, his Dad takes him to the match and all is well. We learn at the end that this is based on a true story, and all of the characters we met are shown with their real life counterparts. This is never a good idea - as your hideous family isn't going to look as good as professional actors do. Even if the dad is played by Eddie Mairsdon.  

What is the meaning of the title? It refers to the year, 1966, a year which every English person will tell you about until you leave the country. 

Here's the source for this picture. To be fair to this picture, you know exactly what you'll get from it.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Na, I mean it won't age well because it's a piece of sacchirine shite and will be forgotten, there's nothing too controversial here.

Any thoughts? This was moderately amusing. It had a good, recognisable cast, and seemed to catch the time well, but was still nothing special. I also thought it was interesting that the 'England' team was represented with the Union jack, and not the George's Cross. Some mild discussion led to that not representing the 'England' team specifically until about the 1980s. It also had some interesting football CGI where they got to watch the match from the side, too, which was pretty impressive.

We're supposed to see parallels between the main kid and his brother and the kid's dad and his own brother (i.e. his uncle) - he's a forgotten sibling to a more charismatic other brother. We get it. The kid is annoying though, I know he's meant to be, and I don't think I'd bother going to his party either. His tantrum at the end of his Bar Mitzvah would have led to a slap at my house, instead of being taken to the match by his OCD dad.

Would you recommend this? Na, it could have been a bit funnier, and got too sentimental at the end (they play football in the back and he gives an incredibly maudlin voiceover about love and the like). This is pretty much the definition of unmemorable.

Final thoughts? I've lived all over the place. I've lived in the UK for a while. It's insane how much 1966 looms over the collective culture. For such a large country, with such a great history, I find it a little sad. Still, that's 2006 done, let's hope the next one is a bit better.

 You can click here if you want to see more of these... and don't want to break my poor heart.

1976: Death Cheaters (12th)

What else happened this year? Frampton Came Alive!

What is the plot - in one sentence? Two world-famous Australian stuntmen go on an action-packed trip to the Philippines to help get some blueprints or some other Macguffin for the government.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? They do it. We also discover that the movie they are working on at the beginning, an epic, described as a 'decades long labour of love', is actually an ad for deodorant. 

What is the meaning of the title? They are stuntmen, and so they cheat death. There's als a 'cheetah' logo on on of their hats, so it's kind of a cool pun.

I couldn't work out if this top was meant as a joke. You'd assume so but he wears crazier outfits later on, and he's wearing it for a date - but she's dressed like some kid in a school play.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? It's set in 1970s Sydney, which itself hasn't aged well. There's an abseiling scene off the Sydney Hilton, which may have been the ugliest building of all time, and was so ugly it was knocked down. There is also a car chase scene around a mall, which is a mall that I know well from childhood, but was unrecognisable in this movie. As for the gender politics? Surprisingly refreshing: the girlfriend of the stunt guy is an equal partner in their relationship, and the fat government guy treats her very politely, when I'm sure a molestation joke would have been easier to fit in to the story. I'm as surprised as you are.

Any thoughts? Have I ever said no to this? The Sydney movie scene in the 1970s was evidently pretty rough and ready, but pretty awesome too. Sydney itself then was yet to be the glamorous city it is today. There's a chase scene at the beginning which shows a sandstone bridge, a mall and the beach, all of which are probably not within 50km of each other in real life. They're also shown riding horses at the beach, purely to make the city look better, and also to get a horse reaction shot in a later scene. For the record, a horse reaction shot is better than a dog reaction shot, so fair play there. Also for the record, there's also a basset hound who gives reaction shots later.

The story follows two famous stuntmen around the world with the 'plot' giving them a chance to muck around and showcase their stunts. One of the men, I recognised as the bloke who fights in the kitchen of 'The Man FromHong Kong,' and he's a very charismatic bloke, despite dressing like a pirate. The other is a thinner bloke with a moustache, who has a pretty girlfriend.

We're told that the two met in the Vietnam War, but other than that the serious stuff is left to a minimum. They wonder about taking the job, decide to take the job, spend far too long planning the job, then do it, and alls' well that ends well.In between are a  few jokes, some scenery, and some nonsensical action. There's even time for some lawn bowls. It is what it is.

Despite that, it's a 1 hour 30 movie, and they haven't left Australia by 1:07. There's still a submarine voyage, some hang-gliding, and a very low stakes-siege of a building staffed by hired goons to undertake. What is weird, is that most of the extras are white guys who just happen to be dark haired, posing as extras. It's very strange in 2021, that in 1970s Australia it was hard to find Asian people to be extras in a movie. Also, for the final siege, one of them has to go around the factory, setting off bombs and shoulder-barging through armed guards, the other spends time setting up a hang-glider to make their escape with. I know which would be easier to do.

It's also weird to think that before CCTV arrived, you just had to staff your factories with shlubby henchmen who can't shoot their guns well. CCTV: the real killer of henchmen.

Would you recommend this? I would. It's not high art, but it's funny and has some impressive stunt work. Let's look at a training montage that happens quite late in the movie. It gives us a chance to laugh at a strange little man who puts them through their paces, shows the guys running around a quarry with explosions going on around them, and tells us that their stunt company is called 'cunning stunts.' It ends with a horse reaction shot. It's pointless, stupid, and nonsensical, and doesn't enhance the plot at all, but it would be a shame if it wasn't there.

Final thoughts? This is dumb, but it takes effort to make something that is sheer dumb entertainment. They're world famous stuntmen? I'm willing to believe it. They're the only ones talented enough to steal documents from some unseen Bond villain type? Sure, show me the action. To top it off, the whole thing ends on a shit joke. Nice.

In conclusion. Pretty funny, pretty stupid. Pretty enjoyable.

Need more of my poorly-written thoughts about movies from the past that I've seen? Click here, you beautiful person, you.

2020: Psycho Goreman (11th)

What else happened this year? Covid year. Thanks for that.

What is the plot - in one sentence? A strange girl gains mastery of a huge, bloodthirsty warlord, with strange results.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? By the end, she's used him to defeat his enemies, destroy vast swathes of the world, and get closer to her own family, too. 

What is the meaning of the title? The kids call him Psycho Goreman because it's kind of funny.

I'm all for using big guys and tiny dogs for comic effect. These dogs weren't mentioned outside of this scene, and I approve.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? It's too early for it to age, it is weird though.

Any thoughts? A few. I wouldn't have guess the movie would be like this when I stumbled upon it one afternoon. It's a weird mix of comedy and superhero movie. Some of the special effects are really gross and visceral in a cheap way - guy's getting turned to pulp, a kid being turned into a giant brain with eyes, to name but two - but it's met with a solid, eye-rolling acceptance. It's for comic effect, but it's jarring nonetheless. Meanwhile, the kids are just annoying, weird pre-teens, but they have to deal with decapitations, genocidal violence, and that most stereotypical of movie problems: an inexplicably British villain. Luckily, they handle it with aplomb. They don't address the fact that the younger, smaller sister bullies the shit out of her older brother by sheer force of weird personality, either, and I'm ok with that.

Would you recommend this? This was a very low budget, unpredictable, self-aware and occasionally funny movie. It's a good surprise, though I think recommending it would be a step too far, this surely is something you have to stumble across.

Final thoughts? This is a very strange movie. I can't see it gaining an audience as anything but a cult movie, but there some bits I thought were pretty funny. It tended to go to 'character pointing out how stupid something is' or 'ultra-violence' for its comedy too often, so if you don't like that, you won't like this. If it sounds at all interesting, check it out. 

 Want more of this nonsense for some reason? Check here for all of them. 

1971: Shaft (10th!)

What else happened this year? Jim Morrisson dies? *checked* Yep. Troubles in Northern Ireland?Also yes.

What is the plot - in one sentence? A black private Detective, John Shaft, is tasked with recovering the kidnapped daughter of a local gangster.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? For various reasons, the daughter was kidnapped by Mafia hoods, and John Shaft and a gang of black power militia get in and recover the gal before sauntering off into the night. 

What is the meaning of the title? His name is shaft. It's also a double entendre, and that's alllll right.

Hey! I'm walkin' here!

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? From what I understand, this was one of the first private detective movies which focused on a black detective and the black community. It's aged reasonably well, though it's VERY of its time. It has some of the most bizarre hats in cinema history. For a thing about a black detective up against the mafia in the 70s, it's surprisingly restrained.

Any thoughts? It's very of it's time. It also makes New York look like a blast to be in. Bars, clubs, and shots of him walking around shows that the city had a real vibe and danger to it. There are gays, stoned people, mafia hoods lumbering around. It looks great. The only thing that really seems to tip it into cliche is the presence, like it in every movie of this time, of Black Panther stand-ins - they help him in the final siege - but that's a contemporary issue.

Aside from Shaft himself quipping and chuckling at his jokes, it's a pretty down and dirty thing. He can't get a taxi because he's black, and the police largely mistreat him though he is a licensed detective: though he has an ally in that older Italian guy. He's shown to be kind (he gives some money to some kids so they can get food) clever (he outsmarts some hoods by pretending to be a bartender and calling the police pretending to be talking to his lover, still giving the right information), and a good lover. He is seduced by a horny white woman in a bar, and when he visits his girlfriend, he makes the baller move of 'waiting naked on her couch for her to return' which is a risky move / high reward endeavour which pays off for him. She tells him she loves him, and he says 'yeah, I know' - John Shaft, you can dig it.

He's also a badass fighter: he throws a guy through a window early on, and is the lead guy in a bizarre siege on the hotel where the kidnapped girl is. It is a needlessly complicated plan involving clothing changes, bribes, a firehose, and abseiling, but still ends up with Shaft shot (don't worry, he's ALL RIGHT).

Would you recommend this? I was expecting something a lot more exploitative and stupid, and was happy to find that it was relatively restrained. The theme song, which everyone on earth knows, was only incidental to the story, and the music and violence weren't Black Dynamite levels of nonsense.

Final thoughts? Why is there a Shaft in 2001 with Christian Bale? Why is there a Shaft in 2019? Why can't these things remain dead? Oh, and the gangster guy that he's working for is called Bumpy Jonas. This was a lot of fun, but less dated than, say Superfly, which is this on more drugs. 

 For more of this thrown together shite, check here, and do me a favour: have a great day. 

2019: A Sun (aka 陽光普照) (9th one done!)

What else happened this year? The last year of Trump, an election in the UK that doesn't bode well for the future, and in Wuhan, China, a disease is being covered up by the Communist regime there. Let's see how that goes?

What is the plot - in one sentence? We follow a Taiwanese family, two sons and their parents, as they deal with various life challenges.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? I don't blame you, how bland does that sentence plot sound? The younger, more promising son commits suicide, while the older is in prison for an assault which happens at the very beginning of the movie*. He's later found to have a son with a young (YOUNG) girl which his parents, the grandparents, struggle to deal with. When he's out of prison, he tries to work hard and raise his family, but his gangster mate arrives back in town looking to exploit him. Eventually, the dad kills the gangster guy, and he tells the mother, who hates the news. Life goes on for them

That's not so much spoiling it, as just saying all that happens. 

What is the meaning of the title? The Mandarin title is about the sun shining, which is interesting I guess? Did they choose 'a sun' as a title because it sounds the same as 'son' and this is about two? I don't know and I'm sleepy.

 

 

It goes trouble son, parents, hadnsome-but-dead son. The child bride isn't pictured. [Source]

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Too soon for that, but there's no violence to women in this, but there is a guy spraying shit around the dad's work to try to get him to pay damages for the assault the man is in prison for, which is a reminder of the fiduciary nature of a lot of Asian legal systems.

Any thoughts?  The two parents of the family have been growing apart for the whole movie, she's growing close to her daughter in law and grandchild, while the father isn't dealing well with the stress. At the end they climb a hill and he tells what's happened, and her reaction is just terrible. It's some of the worst acting that I have seen in an otherwise good movie. It's a shame that that is the end.

I genuinely didn't see the suicide coming in the story, as the character was shown to be handsome and popular, he was even chased down by a woman I guess we're meant to think is attractive, but I couldn't tell. It is a good comment on the pressure that society and young people in East Asia in particular put on themselves. This movie is also a reminder of the struggle between honest and illicit life, and the eternal struggle between rich and poor.

The prison scenes were a little strange, the young son is in a dorm system with three other prisoners. initially they beat him (there are several beatings of this son, he's also savagely beaten by some gangsters, you can't say he doesn't deserve it), and then he's shown talking to them, but the story never gets resolved there - I was expecting him to become friends with the fay guy there, but it just kind of faded away. A lot in this movie, particularly the passage of time, is merely hinted at, which gives the whole thing an ethereal quality.

The handsome son takes the weird looking girl to the Taipei zoo, where they bother the gorilla. Without joking, that seems to be a national pasttime of Taiwanese teens. I've been to that zoo a few times, and the gorilla is always riled up. I can see him escaping someday, and I hope he wreaks some much deserved vengeance.

Would you recommend this? Was this good? It's very well shot and I liked it. Will you? Try it, I'm not your boss. The gangster - a big fellow with the translated name of radish also brings menace to the scene at all times.

Final thoughts? I am still working for a Taiwanese company. I really miss Taiwan. This wasn't the kind of holiday Taiwan you're hoping for though, it's more the Taiwan that has a huge problem with suicide and child trafficking. It's also noteworthy that the two love interests for the two brothers are: a mute child and a bit of a dullard. Anyway, hope you're well. 

 Piqued your interest? Haven't? Either way, more reviews by year are to be found  right here

*They chop the hand off of a bloke in a restaurant. It's the first scene of the movie. One of the last is the son meeting the bloke, now with a fake hand, working as a plumber.

1991: A Scene At The Sea (aka あの夏、いちばん静かな海) (8th)

What else happened this year? 1991? Nevermind! Also the First Gulf War. Was the Yugoslav war going on then, too? [A quick check says... yes!]

What is the plot - in one sentence? At the Japanese seaside, a deaf garbage collector learns to surf, with the support of his girlfriend.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? He gets better, some of his friends join in, he gains the support of the established surf crew in a competition, and then he (presumably) drowns, leaving his girlfriend to reminisce over their past.

What is the meaning of the title? The English title refers literally to the scene at the sea of the movie, the Japanese title is closer to 'that summer, the calmest ocean" which is a little more poetic, and talks about the calmness and silence of the surfer bloke - I guess that title is from the perspective of his girlfriend reminiscing.

 

This is the main couple. True love is not mentioning that one of your boyfriends nuts is dangling out. 

 

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Imagine early 1990s Japanese surfer fashion. It's even crazier than you think it might be. Pretty cool though. The girlfriend is treated pretty well in this, though looking back on it, I don't think she says more than a few sentences. Oh, and the guy plays deaf but I don't think he is in real life, there's already been a few deaf people in this feature, weird.

Any thoughts? This was a bit of a surprise. It's a leisurely, often silent movie focused on the intensely personal skill of surfing. It's directed by Takeshi Kitano, who is more associated with Yakuza movies and the like, and scored by Jo Hisaishi, the guy who did the music for most of the Studio Ghibli movies. The main theme sounds very much like My Neighbour Totoro, and is quietly hypnotic, as are the numerous scenes of people surfing, walking, or walking with surfboards to go and surf.

The main guy looks a lot like a Japanese James Franco (see above), and plays deaf pretty well. He's followed by his girlfriend, who, almost uniquely in Japanese cinema only once acts jealous towards him, when she sees him open an orange for an annoying surfer moll. As he improves and buys new gear, they befriend some other surfers as time goes by. These other surfers are, accurately, depicted as assholes. Another two friends of the main character are inspired to learn to surf by him, and provide some comic relief, but they're also dicks too, you can just tell.

Other than that, I thought it was interesting that they took a group nap during a surf competition. I've lived in Asia for a while, and never felt anything but annoyed that all of the country would take a sleep during the day, it's like living with cats.

Would you recommend this? It was kind of nice in a hypnotic way. About 40% of the movie is of people walking around. Another 40% is people watching people and sitting on the beach. They also play the theme song at least 5 times, it's a nice piece, but you'll have it in your head. Takeshi Kitano is synonymous with violence and yakuza movies, so it's nice that detours like this are possible for him. I think he followed it up with 'Sontantine,' which also features a beach, but with violence and boobs. For those reasons, that is better.

Final thoughts? I liked this, it was a pleasant surprise. I have spent a lot of time now thinking about how much of my life has been spent watching other people walking around in movies. It's worrying. Here's a link to the theme song, good luck getting that out of your head. 

 

Enjoying this? Not? Either way, you can find the link to all of the movies I've reviewed right... HERE

2008: Terribly Happy (aka Frygtelig lykkelig) (7)

What else happened this year? Global Financial Crash. Boom.

What is the plot - in one sentence? In Denmark, a probably-disgraced policeman heads from the city to work in  a small, weird southern Jutland town which has many secrets.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? Pff... by the end of it, he's been involved in a murder, and is blackmailed into staying in the weird little town. The bog seems to be a body disposal system, and it's implied that the town is important for the drugs trade. Oh, and he shot his wife? Was that the disgrace he had? Probably.

What is the meaning of the title? I guess it's ironic, they're not terribly happy there. I'll not rule out a pun from the Danish original, as it's a translation. 

Here's the [source] for this image. This is a shot form the movie, but it only arrives at the very end. Dirty Harry this isn't.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? YES! In fact it's a central plot point. The whole town knows about it: when the kid goes for a walk with a pram, everyone knows that her mother (the only attractive lady in town) is getting beaten by her husband, a local tough guy who looks like Ted Cruz. This spurs the police guy into action. Other than that, this is aged in that it's pretty forgettable.

Any thoughts? This was weird. It had a real Twin Peaks, Australian Outback vibe to it. The whole town was grim. It's also weird that everyone in it looked as though they could be British, and I don't mean that as a compliment. I've been to Copenhagen and everyone is almost painfully attractive, it must be a real effort to find people that unattractive to be in this.

What is weird is that at the beginning, he's told 'This isn't your business...' by the townsfolk, but by the end, it is his business, as he manages to drunkenly get involved in every scandal in the town. So this movie is really about fitting in to a new place. Also, was he only there for a couple of weeks? He had a complete breakdown and personality change in that time. He didn''t do very well.

Would you recommend this? Eh. not really. I watched this a couple of weeks ago and have almost completely forgotten it already.

Final thoughts? It mentioned that this is based on a true story, if that's the case he's a terrible cop. He slaps shoplifting kids, has sex with a married man's wife, does no policework, and murders a guy in cold blood. However, there's no direct evidence that he is a racist, so he's probably better than most cops. Yep, I went there. 

 That's enough for today, hope you're all going great guns.

 Want more of this uninformative nonsense? Every year I've done so far can be found here!

1967: Robbery (6)

What else happened this year? Vietnam? Strikes? Had that all finished? This was close to the year of protests, and I think it wasn't much of a surprise.

What is the plot - in one sentence? A group of English robbers plot together to rob a postal train, while dogged policemen look to capture them.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? They initially succeed because of good planning. However, the plan involves hiding for a few days in a hidden bunker, and they grow impatient. One of them calls his wife, which gives the police a clue to their location. Police close in and all of the members are arrested, except for the leader of the gang, who manages to smuggle his money away and is shown in New York without his signature moustache. It finishes with a genuine 'the end?' 

What is the meaning of the title? It's about a robbery. It's about as generic as a title gets.

 

These are the two main guys behind the robbery, here they are 'training' for the heist. Note that one is wearing suit pants, the other wearing his grandad's cardigan. If they're the brains, no wonder it went awry.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Other than the lack of mobile phones and cctv, and the fashion, this would be the bones of a good story today. It holds up well. A woman slaps a criminal in a line up, and the one woman in the movie of any substance (the lead gangster's moll) gets drunk on neat vodka and asks to be slapped around, but she isn't - which is incredibly progressive for that era of cinema*

Any thoughts? This movie's initial car chase is excellent. It's why the director was tasked with directing the excellent Bullitt the following year. It's so good, in fact, that although the rest of the movie is good, it peaks in the first few minutes and never fully recovers, and that's never good (right ladies?)

There are a couple of funny things: Some of the gang members arrange to meet and discuss the heist. They do so at a soccer match; talking noisily about robbing and killing with people all around them. there's also a very leisurely prison break, where a fight is started as a distraction and the guy they're springing, against his will, is hoiked up by rope over the wall, very slowly. while the police ignore it. It's also him who calls his wife, which gives their location away, so that was a bad call.

My favourite line, because of the time it is, and because it's so forced, is

'money breeds money? Mine must be on the pill'

which is met with far more laughter than you'd imagine.

Would you recommend this? I would. I liked it, an almost-gritty robbery movie with few recognisable actors and a tight plot. It's set in a very cool, confident London and makes a good focus on the match between the criminals and the police, some of whom are shown to have a past together.

We also get a very strong 'I'm not going back inside (prison, if it goes wrong), not again' Chekov's promise** He is true to his word, as the character who says this is able to hide money in Ireland and then fuck off to America.

Final thoughts? This was nicely done, a good surprise, but it got me thinking of other movies which start stronger than the rest of the movie, I could think of several. I still liked this though. the story is ageless but the details change immensely: it's a good story ad good plot, but has police smoking indoors and other details from the time that give it a bit of flavour. I approve.

 Want more of this nonsense? Find the link to all of these right... here... 

*Just for the record, I thought of that question after watching a lot of Western and films noir, which feature women being slapped around as par for the course. I also watched 'La Dolce Vita,' of which probably the most famous scene is a comely Swedish woman frolicking in that Roman fountain. The part they don't tell you is that immediately after it, her boyfriend slaps her around. That's why this question is here, and so far, it's still a valid question.

** -I don't understand Chekov's gun as a principle