2001: Avalon (Aka アヴァロン) (71st)

What else happened this year? Everything was just fine until September 11^th

What is the plot - in one sentence? Ash, who lives in a dystopian, sepia world, makes her living gaming on an illegal network, and is intrigued by a mysterious Bishop-like figure who appears in her games.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? Eventually, she forms a group with the bishop, ascends to a level known as ‘real world’ (which is in full colour), and there she hunts down her former group leader. In the real world it seems he’s an upper crust type, while in the sepia world he’s comatose. She kills him and loads up her gun again, with the screen telling her that she’s won. Oh, and for some reason, she’d been covering up for the guy she kills, for some reason that I didn’t understand, and from the looks of it, no one else does either.

What is the meaning of the title? There’s a bit of mythology about Camelot and King Arthur throughout the game that they play, and an operatic version of the song Avalon occurs at a few times of the movie, but Avalon is the name of the game system that they play within.

Here's our hero, surrounded by not-at-all-Matrix-like cyberscrawl.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Almost amazingly, no one gets slapped around! What ages it is that it’s so obviously been inspired by the Matrix, and that the scenes at the end are set in contemporary Poland, which is kind of interesting to see. 

Any thoughts? This was a very difficult movie to track down, and I’d seen various bits of it online but with errors and issues that made them unwatchable. I finally managed to track it down (this was in Polish, with subs, but I think there’s an English dub), and it was a little disappointing that it is what it is.

This is made by the same guy who did ‘Ghost in the Shell’ – and you can see some similarities between that and this: there are a few music-led montages of action which Ghost in the Shell was famous for, and the main character (a striking looking woman) owns a bassett hound, another similarity: She shouldn’t own it, as she just leaves it alone all day.

Would you recommend this? It’s weird, Ghost in the Shell and this are by the same director. Ghost in the shell inspired the Matrix, while this is a pretty obvious rip-off of the matrix, without the era defining action, style, or philosophy. It looks great, though, and it’s certainly an interesting approach: a sci-fi set in Poland by a Japanese director – there aren’t many movies like that.

Final thoughts? It’s like 100 minutes long: she has an action scene (in game) first thing, then spends a lot of time looking for the Bishop, has a single mission with him, and then heads to the ‘real world’ – it’s safe to say that they could have trimmed a lot of time out of that and it would have had no impact.

The final assassination takes place at a concert performance of the song ‘Avalon’ – and it’s very nice, but she shoots her guy (some nondescript Polish fellow) during the song, and then the concert finishes – was it a 1 song concert? Let’s say yes.

Click right HHHEEERRRRREEEE for the other 70 reviews here. Is it terrible that I can't wait for it to be over?

1984: Police Academy (70th!)

What else happened this year? Your favourite writer escaped the pillowy womb of his mother in a Sydney hospital.

What is the plot - in one sentence? Following a relaxing of standards to entering the police force, we follow an ensemble of police recruits as they try to graduate.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? A couple get kicked out (for reacting to being racially abused), but they get reinstated afterwards for some brave acts during a convenient riot that they conveniently have to attend to.

What is the meaning of the title? It's set in, and about, a Police Academy.

That's Kim Catrall on the right. She looks a lot like Marion Cotillard in this photo. I am not complaining.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Surprisingly, no. A 'clumsy' trainee accidentally knocks his wife with a suitcase. We also see women kicking the shit out of men in training, the guy who does it is also lucky enough to get some boobs in his face for his trouble, so it's not all bad. 

Probably the thing which has aged worst of all is the gay panic stuff - two narc police recruits end up at a gay bar a couple of times, and despite reading as gay themselves, end up uncomfortable and in a situation where they are ballroom-danced with by gay stereotypes. This is such a go-to, that it is revisited at least as late as Police Academy 4, which I had the pleasure of watching on Finnish Television as I wait for a flight (I’m going back to work overseas!) - Also, what does it say about Finnish Television that that was on in 2021 on a Saturday evening?

This is very of it's time though, in that it's a 'subversive' movie which would probably have ended up getting people to enrol in the police academy: See also, that Bill Murray Army movie.

Any thoughts? It’s a large ensemble cast, and a lot of them are defined very broadly. One has a very nervous speaking voice, one is a fat guy, another a luckless shlub, another pretends to be Italian to maintain a harem of women. Hilarious, I’m sure you’ll agree. 

As for the larger parts, there’s a giant, played by a former NFL guy; a guy who does sound effects (probably the most famous, and most annoying of the characters from this movie), and then there’s Steve Guttenberg (who made him a star? not me!) and a young, slinky, Kim Catrall as his love interest. He’s mainly a pretty annoying guy.

It tends to be episodic. There’s some hi-jinx, then a musical interstitial, and then more hi-jinx. It’s a very similar formula to a lot of other TV shows and movies, and I can’t tell if this is a forerunner or a copycat. I don’t really care either way.

Would you recommend this? No, no I wouldn’t. Perhaps if I’d seen this as a kid..., actually I probably wouldn’t have found it very good then either. For a comedy it’s not very funny. I rolled my eyes when that guy got his head stuck in a horses ass, and an old, demented police chief getting blown while giving a speech was just grim. I thought I’d never think of this whole series ever again before number 4 rocked up on TV by chance. That was even less funny, so, it’s not like it gets better over time.

Final thoughts? This is talked about a lot, especially on the Simpsons. And so I was surprised that it’s such a boring and pretty unfunny comedy. It hasn’t aged well, there are only a few funny bits, and the romance is tacked on for no reasons. I don't really care what happens to any of these dickheads, which makes watching any of the dozens of sequels a big no from me too; let’s hope for better things in the next movie we do here.

Remember, I love you (yes, you!) most of all.If you love me too, you can see the rest of these things here .

On a logistical note, I'm using a linux computer, so I'll do a few of these at a time so I don't have to log in to a google account too often. Thanks everyone!