1921: The Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse (102nd)

What else happened this year? Teapot Dome Scandal? Not sure, Tulsa Race Massacre happened now though. That's a bit grim.

What is the plot - in one sentence? We follow the descendants of a wealthy Argentine horseman as his daughters return to France and Germany respectively, with their husbands, bringing their own children along.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? The German side of the family live German lives, while the French side of the family is beset with affairs, dancing, and the purchase of fancy castles.

At the end of it, all four of the male heirs are dead in the Great War, and the German’s wife scolds her husband for forcing the family to leave Argentina, and the French son’s lover is left looking after her now blinded husband. It took a bit of a turn.

What is the meaning of the title? There’s a mystic who lives above the French Grandson’s apartment (he’s ‘Latin’ in that he uses it to make paintings of nude models.) The mystic, who I thought looked a little like Rasputin / a Jewish stereotype, but is able to see the literal four horsemen – we’re later introduced to them, riding in the sky, and then riding back later on after the Great War ended. It was 1921, imagine the misery that was to come.

1921 Nazi Salute. 2022 mouse pointer. In the background is a guy getting bathed: timeless.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? No! Though a dog is mistreated and there’s also a monkey butler, who becomes a monkey soldier, until his master dies. The special effects were pretty good – a battle around the French father’s castle and its destruction was pretty impressive, and even the footage of the four horsemen themselves riding in the sky was pretty good. Less convincing at this distance was the ‘Apocalyptic Beast’ = a sort of metal dragon which spewed fire from time to time. Presumably it looked scarier in 1921 than it does in 2022.

There’s also a bit of father, son kissing on the mouth too, something which I remember from the Movie ‘Wings’, which is also about young men going to war.

Any thoughts? The handsome*, French Grandson, who was the Grandfather’s favourite (the other 3, Germans, are all a bit dull) falls in love with the younger wife of one of his father’s friends. The father’s other friend pretty much encourages them to go at it. 

Anyway, they get together eventually, and he comments on her beauty, but she looks EXACTLY like every other woman in the movie. Same hair, same fashion, same make-up and slightly confused look. It’s weird. I’ll say this too, the French grandson is a handsome fella even by today’s standards – is there less room for fluctuations in fashion and style for men’s attractiveness than there is with woman? Yes.

Would you recommend this? I would, with the proviso that this is a movie from 1921, and that it starts slowly, before turning into a romance story, and then a WWI movie – think how fresh WW1 was in the Collective consciousness too. 

I’ll recommend it, even though it has a weird thing where you inherit the innate traits of your race, despite your upbringing. For example, the Argentian-born-and-raised kids of a German father take on German characteristics – stoicism and militarism. Meanwhile, the French side of the family struggle with ennui and affairs. It’s a weird thing, but reminds me of Bonanza, where the three boys all take on the character of their respective dead mothers, despite not knowing them that well.

The movie also features, that movie trope of the father ignoring the son while he goes away (he’s angry at him for boning his friend’s wife), and then showering him with affection when he’s able to see him on the front line.

I’ll also leave a little time, to tell that there was a HITLER SALUTE in the scene at the castle. It’s just a coincidence, one of the Germans is pointing up to another room, but I’m going to make it the picture for this movie.

Final thoughts? Despite an initial onslaught of text – it was probably a chapter of a book’s worth before any moving picture was shown, this was a pretty good one. Despite the age and a few drawbacks related to that, it was a surprisingly modern, story, with a lot of implied boning, and a man murdered to prevent his daughter’s war rape, and the destruction of a family by war. 

There’s a lot of adult thoughts in this story, in what was a pretty new art form, and it’s got to be given credit for that. Sure it was slow in places (the Argentinian thing at the beginning, was glacial) and that helps to explain why this movie took forever to get through for me. I watched from Paris onward in an evening – that is the final 1 hour 40. However, the first 25 minutes, which follows the grandfather in Argentina, took me literally weeks to get through. Anyway, a surprisingly modern, reasonably fast paced story after that.

I also really like the comment, as French troops head off to war, in buoyant mood and confident, that the other side is doing exactly the same thing.

I believe I have a single movie to go. I’m sure you’re as happy as I am about this. If you’d like to see the other 101, there’s a list right here. 

 

*It's Rudolph Valentino

2022: Jackass Foever (101st)

What else happened this year? Russia invaded Ukraine, and it’s only April. I’m sure there will be plenty more to come.

What is the plot - in one sentence? The same as all the other Jackass movies; the gang do some dangerous stunts and pranks , this time they’re much older than before.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? They sure do ‘em, there are also some new guys added to the crew, presumably with the intention of making more of these.

What is the meaning of the title? As above, there’s a hinted at ‘passing on the torch’ thing.

Here Erin, owner of the most slappable face in Christendom, has to relax as a genuine bear comes along to eat food off him. He's shivering with fear. I understand why.

 Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Anything that’s not aged well… Johnny Knoxville, the leader, is now a fine grey haired dude, while the rest of the gang look a little more grizzled, except Steve-O, who looks great. There’s still a LOT of penis and anus stuff, so that’s not aged that well, either. Famously, the genitals age the fastest on males.

Any thoughts? The original gang are all in their 40s / 50s now. It’s a sad thing to see them still hitting each other in the balls and chuckling about it. The stunts seem much of a muchness to the other motives, and the fat guy, Preston, seems full of genuine sadness when he… shits himself before a stunt. We also see Johnny get nailed by a bull, which leaves him in hospital. We’re shown something very similar from about 20 years prior. it’s a bit grim comparing it today. I’ve since learned that he’s got brain damage as a result of this. Hmm..

Would you recommend this? Kind of. The new gang don’t seem to be very interesting though, even if it's a little more diverse than before. There's a few black guys – one of whom sounds quite posh English - a woman stand-up comic who seems pretty game for being stung by scorpions; a younger, more tattooed fat guy; and a surfer called Poopies – who has the positive attitude, bearing, and low IQ of most Australian men, despite not being Australian. They aren’t too compelling here, and the thoughts of this being a torch passing… well, not that exciting.

Final thoughts? This isn’t high art, but it’s entertaining, so you’ve got to give it that. There are a few funny things, some funny stunts, Bam Marguera isn’t in it any more (he’s the one who annoys his dad with pranks, he’s not missed much), and a couple of centerpieces, Johnny being fired from a cannon, and Erin being nibbled at by a bear, a genuinely heart-racing stunt – bears are terrifying.

Anyway, only a couple to go, and though it’s been a slog (I’ve been watching the four horsemen of the apocalypse now for months!), I should be finished with this soon. I also broke some toes when some braindead prick drove over my foot. Avid readers will recognise this is the second time I’ve been banged up with broken bones in my feet. I also use my feet to type, so that’s something.

The prior 100 of these can be found at this page.

1924: The Last Laugh (aka Der letzte Mann) (100th!)

What else happened this year? From the looks of it, a lot of crackdowns by the USSR on countries who declared independence (Georgia, Uzbekistan, for one), and Hitler gets out of prison, for two.

What is the plot - in one sentence? We follow an old guy who is dumped from his hotel welcomer job and becomes a toilet attendant.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? He has a nervous breakdown, as his welcoming job had been his entire sense of being… and leave him flaccid bearded in the men’s room. However, we’re told that this story is to have a happy ending, so he becomes a wealthy guy and spends the rest of his time eating prodigious amounts of food and drink with a guy who helped him before. It ends before he dies of over-consumption, so it’s happy.

What is the meaning of the title? He has the last laugh, I guess – even if it’s a deus ex scriptwriter

In a dream sequence, he's able to... get it up again.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? Maybe the oddest thing is the view of the bloke – he lives in a… hovel thing, and takes great pride in his work, before he’s replaced. He is given another job and has a breakdown… but he’s still one of the few people who has a job around the building. The toothless crones and gossip-bags who live in the building find it hilarious that he’s been replaced. It’s weird.

Any thoughts? I suppose the whole thing is a metaphor for the loss of manliness and virility – he’s replaced by a younger, larger man. In his drunk dream he dreams he can lift a suitcase above his head, before we spend the middle third of the movie following him in despair, slinking around and looking miserable… and being laughed at by crones. I didn’t get that at all.

Also, after he’s wealthy (for the film equivalent of ‘no reason’) why does he go back to the same hotel to eat at when he’s wealthy? He’s been treated badly by them, and the snooty customers continue to laugh at his big-spending bumpkin ways.

Would you recommend this? There were a few interesting shots – after he’s fired he gets drunk and rocks up to his daughter’s wedding, and he goes on a bit of a trip, we see a few interesting shots and special effects, but mostly I was just baffled.

Final thoughts? I didn’t understand the mindset of the villains, – his daughter seems to abandon him for his toilet job – and he’s made a laughing stock by the toothless, unemployed crones for.. having a job. He then gets laughed at by the crème de la crème for being a nouveau riche glutton. I didn’t get this, as a morality tale. Is it, money makes you happy? If so, then I agree. 

 Also, some research shows that at least a few of the cast members died in Nazi camps in real life, that's a bummer.

100 of these are now done! I’m so close you’d better close your eyes. The other 99 are to be found here.

1926: Faust (99th)

What else happened this year? I read that book about 1927, so I know a lot of things that happened here… but… from before then? I just looked it up, Emperor Hirohito came to the throne after his father died. That’ll do it.

What is the plot - in one sentence? We follow the Devil (aka Mephisto), as he tries to corrupt the soul of a godly man in order to win a bet with an angel, and take control of earth.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? He makes a deal with the Faust, an old alchemist. Using magic, Faust becomes young, gains power and treasure, but falls in love with a local girl, which nulls the devils’ contract – love happening is proof of the divine, the angel tells him. That sounds like a shitty get-out, you may be thinking, and I’d agree.

What is the meaning of the title? It’s the name of the main bloke of the story.

Here's Mephisto, there's the youthful Faust, and there's a mouse pointer that I can't be bothered to edit out.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? When Faust is able to youth himself and travel around the world, he kidnaps a princess, and she’s not that into it, it seems. There’s a funny bit where Faust, bored, is offered by the devil ‘a drink, a game of dice, or an orgy?’ to take his mind off things.

There's a very confusing logic leap regarding the main woman in the movie. Her name is Gretchen, and Faust falls for her. Her brother, returned from some distance place, asks her if she has any lovers... within 3 minutes of the movie he has put her in the stocks for having one.

Because of this, she spirals, leading to her baby freezing to death, but only after being rejected for help from judgemental people. For this she’s burned at the stake. the whole thing takes about 4 minutes but is probably the most important part of a 2 hour movie.

Any thoughts? There are some cool camera effects - a giant skeleton blowing fire and pestilence over the town, for one, and some nice special effects. A lot of the models - the four horsemen of the apocalypse, some fake elephants – have all aged charmingly. There are a lot of very clever cuts, and the devil (a fat bloke with a feather in his hat) does some fun appearances and magic.This is a surprisingly light story for a movie where a baby freezes to death and a town dies of the plague.

I also have no idea what was going on with Gretchen’s aunt and the devil, as they flirt away like Mugatu and his assistant in Zoolander

Faust calls the devil his servant at various times, and it seems he does have him at his beck and call. I know he’s working on a bet to corrupt a pure soul (Faust’s) but surely he’s got other things to do, too?

Would you recommend this? Eh, I guess so, I’m always amazed by how many interesting cuts and special effects there are in these 1920s movies. It really puts modern cgi heavy movies to shame. I will recommend it, it was weird, was pretty fun, but I don’t think I’ll watch it again to be honest. So, yeah?

Final thoughts? I’ve been very surprised by how often boobs show up in movies from the 1920s also, and I’m not complaining.

The whole ending annoyed me – I felt sorry for Mephisto. He makes a bet that the Devil can’t corrupt a Godly Man, but the fact that he’s a godly man is enough to make him lose the contract, despite him being a party animal for the first part of the movie. That’s the very definition of a bad deal. Also, she’s burned at the stake, and Faust’s old again at the movie’s end, so it’s not like Faust gets what he wanted anyway

This is the 99th one of these - the rest can be found right here, baby

1922 Cops (98th)

What else happened this year? I think this was the year that Ulysses was published, and the year that Ireland got independence. I should know, it was 100 years ago, and they always mention shite like this in the news… [Ulysses is 100, the Irish parliament elected its first president (though it had been around for a bit longer) and… if I’d said teapot dome scandal, that would be correct. Scandals used to last a lot longer around those days).

What is the plot - in one sentence? We follow Buster Keaton who wants to become a businessman to impress his love interest

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? After some shenanigans, he’s chased by cops after they think he’s an anarchist. He manages to outrun and trick them, but his girlfriend isn’t impressed, so he throws himself to the police like a gazelle to a pack of lions.

What is the meaning of the title? A shit load of cops chase him. Just like a shitload of horny women chase him in Seven Chances, or a tonne of cattle chase him in that movie where he falls in love with a cow (seriously).

He's press-ganged into moving house for someone, but I think the most interesting thing is that spring mattress that is on the cart

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? There's a pretty miserable horse that doesn't look like it's enjoying its time, especially as it is offered... goat spleen from a chemist. The most notable contemporary thing might be the anarchist, who throws a bomb (which lands in Buster's hands, leading to the chase).

Any thoughts? Throughout the movie, he’s trying to help – he finds some money and looks to start a business, but he’s taken advantage of by various people before a wrongful police chase. In truth, it’s a story to hang some jokes and physical skits on. However, a darker view can be taken: the nihilistic view might be explained by the fact that this was the first movie made after Fatty Arbuckle’s arrest, so the whole thing is a bit… Kafka-esque.

Would you recommend this? It’s a short movie, there are a couple of iconic scenes at least, one where he balances a ladder on a fence and forces furious hordes of police to use him as a see-saw. The other: Buster grabbing the handle of a moving car, which whisks him away. Say what you want about the story, he was a hell of an athlete. It’s also the first ever sighting of the boxing glove on the end of an extendable wooden stick thing, he uses it here as an indicator / police puncher. From the sake of history, that's worth watching, right?

Final thoughts? After buying a horse, he’s suckered into moving house for someone, unsure that he’s actually doing that. Some shenanigans with the horse, and the annoyed homeowners, goes on for too long in a short movie. The titular cops don’t start the chase until well after the half way point of an 18 minute movie, and the one woman character, the love interest, doesn’t actually ever speak to our man outside of the first few seconds. 

I was going to say ‘I wish they made shorts like this now, those shorts are called TV shows.

Here we go, we're VERY nearly finished now, and I am happy to admit that... yeah, it's been a drag. If you'd like to see what led to this mess, kindly click right ... here