5 Worst World Foods

I've eaten some shitty foods in my time. For the record, I live in the UK, which is famous for shitty food, but seems to have lifted its game a bunch in recent years. Anyone who says differently, try an Arbroath Smokey Pancake, and then shut up. The following are the worst foods I've eaten. I am well aware that eating in a couple of restaurants doesn't give a good indication of a culture, but what do you want me to do about it? These are, if not the worst, then the most disappointing, world cuisines I've tried:

5. Finnish

There was a Finnish restaurant in Sydney. It sold nothing but miserable dumplings and stew with gelatine in it. Why would you open a finnish restaurant if you a) can't cook, and b) even if you could, the food is plainly unsuited to a warm climate.

4. Korean

Cantonese food: good. Taiwanese food: good. Japanese food: Good. All around them they have good food (well, except for North Korea, which seems to have chosen missiles and malnutrition over anything else) so why is Korean food so bad? That scene in Oldboy where he eats a live octopus seems like a good choice over eating Congee and badly made bulgogi. I keep thinking that I must be ordering the wrong stuff, but I think it's just not a great world cuisine. Not awful, just disappointing, every single time I fall for it. [Note - the day after I write this, I went to a GREAT Korean restaurant, called Shilla in Edinburgh, and it was delicious - this renders the rest of the list useless].

3. Hungarian

Hungarians seem to absolutely not care about food, which is almost unique to Europe. The markets we went to there were completely uninspired, mouldy food being sold by people who didn't care. Desperate for fruit, I scoured high and low, only to find a tower of peaches, two metres high, all of which were mouldy. It was such a huge change from other markets I've seen, for example, in Split, Croatia, or anywhere in Italy, where fresh food and fun was to be had. The restaurants in Hungary were poor, the only exceptions being for food of other cultures. For example, Hungarian Chinese restaurant was surprisingly good, at least by comparison. Weird food, badly prepared, and expensive. A surprise entry.

2. Indonesian

 Indonesia is the 4th largest country in the world. I speak nearly fluent Indonesian because Australian Schools put a great emphasis on it (whereas I know almost no science or maths, and I karnt spell gud either). Meanwhile, this 250million people country is NEVER mentioned in European press apart from describing briefly the latest disaster occurring there. Certainly, for a country that size, it has made no contribution to world cuisine outside of nasi goreng and sambal olek. Every Indonesian restaurant I've been to has been disappointing, every time. I feel like good Indonesian food is out there, I just don't know how or where to get it. I'm not alone in that feeling either.

1. Chinese (Mainland)

 I am not squeamish. I've eaten scorpions, horse sashimi, anteater, snake and other things which most people wouldn't bother with. So it's not the fact that I don't like how chinese people treat animals (although I don't like that) - the problem is that Mandarin food seems to apply to a completely different pallet to my own. I wouldn't mind eating frog overies in batter, if it tasted nice. I would happily wolf down a 'king mushroom' a mushroom the size of a dinner plate but with the texture and flavour of a blood bogie, if it tasted nice. I suppose I would endorse shark fin soup if they actually ate the rest of the shark to go with it, and the soup wasn't just gelatinous shit. As it is, I just don't get it.