2016: Hush (5)

What else happened this year? A referendum to leave the EU for the UK, and Trump getting elected in the US. Not a great year to be a lib-tard, all told.

What is the plot - in one sentence? A deaf-mute woman who lives both alone and remotely is besieged by a sadistic criminal.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? The killer kills both of her neighbours, but she eventually outsmarts him by deafening him with an alarm and blinding him with mace. He's dead while the police arrive and she's still kinda alive.

What is the meaning of the title? She's mute, and thus hushed? That's pretty lame.

Disappointingly, he takes this mask off to reveal an even creepier face underneath. Yeah I went there.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? It's 2016, so it's not that recent, but a woman gets choked; the villain is shown to be evil by having neck tattoos, which is different now, as having neck tattoos is proof that you're 20. How's that going to age, I wonder? Also of note, it appears that the actor portraying a deaf woman is merely pretending to be deaf-mute ('acting' if you will), and I think that wouldn't be allowed to fly today. Weird.

Any thoughts? All through this I thought of that joke 'did you hear the one about the deaf girl? Neither did she' - which had me rolling my eyes, as did some of the decision making of her character: She's trapped in her house for essentially the entire movie. The killer arrives at minute 20 - and she doesn't go upstairs before minute 35. Despite it being a better defensible position, she ruins her chance to really get the guy by knocking him off the window shortly after that. The killer is also able to kill a much larger man (the neighbour) who is too stupid to snap the neck of the little wretch as he slowly bleeds out. He's also hinted at having killed many more people than here, but goes about it like an amateur. Just dumb stuff all round.

Also, did she call the police by Skype? Good luck getting that to happen in real life.

Would you recommend this? It was passable, a woman-in-peril home invasion movie with the hook of the woman being deaf, which is pretty tense, and which has the good grace to be over quickly, so I can't fault it for that. Fine.

Final thoughts? The fire alarm which her non-deaf friend hears and complains about at the beginning (Chekov's fire alarm) was always going to make an appearance by the end, and killing the main character would have been a bit grim, so I'm kind of glad it was predictable and that even the cat survived. I also don't need to see this or think of it again, so... onwards and upwards!

 Want more of this weird thing I'm subjecting myself to for no reason at all? click here.

1977: Slap Shot (4)

1977, what else happened this year? A little bit of everything, it seems, but nothing that would change the world. Looking this up it's hard to find era defining events, because so much of history is gradual. Yeah.

What is the plot - in one sentence? Paul Newman is the player-coach of a struggling ice hockey team called the Chiefs, and we follow his efforts to improve their record so that the team can be sold.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? They try winning by being violent with the help of some thug ringers, but end up winning the league after the opposing team forfeits the game. The captain of the other team punches the ref in fury at a male striptease going on. The sale of the team was apparently a lie all along, but the movie ends on a parade and all the players seem to be getting contracts in other, nicer, cities.

What is the meaning of the title? It's a pun, slap shot is a hockey term, but they're also resorting to violence, e.g. slapping the other teams.

Here's Paul Newman, being birthed from a giant walrus vagina.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? The fashion is just incredible, I think a lot of inspiration from the Venture Bros. comes from this movie and era. There's a few things which don't make much sense from today's perspective (the idea that if your wife is a lesbian, you must be gay- is thrown around a lot), the word fag and retard are dropped pretty liberally, but underdogs struggling to success is a pretty timeless thing for a sports movie. This hasn't aged as badly as you might expect for a movie where Paul Newman calls a young child a fag to his mother's face. 

Probably the most telling thing is that it's a mid-budget, mildly rude and raunchy comedy movie, something that simply wouldn't get made today. There's also a bit where one of the character's wives is told that she could look like Cher if she had a perm, something which was presumably a compliment in 1977. It is not in 2021.

Any thoughts? Like all of the best movies about sports, the amount of sport depicted is kept to a minimum; it's really a character story. Paul Newman is a hustling, insecure, ageing wretch willing to do anything to keep his career; he also does some acting in this movie. There are other characters, including his wife (who wants out), the preppy young protege who doesn't want to resort to violence on the rink, and the annoying relationship he has with his wife. The rest of the characters from the team are a bit broad - there's a vain one who looks like Jaws (and I genuinely couldn't tell if he was supposed to be handsome for the time or not), there's a horny one, there's a mad Quebecois one, an idiot who is tricked into violent, three creepy but violent nerd brothers, and a few others, they don't really matter so much.

Paul Newman also spends an inordinate amount of time hitting on his teammate's wife, but their age difference makes it look like a very creepy incest thing. He's still handsome, but he's looking a little craggy and has thin, middle-aged, getting old legs - they're impossible to miss. Luckily this relationship is not too explicit. Also of note is M. Emmett Walsh appearing as a media guy, being a father of young children, despite looking the same as he will for the rest of his long life.

Would you recommend this? This was obviously an influence on that Will Ferrell movie Semi Pro, but I think this will will be remembered more in the future. A common complaint I will have about movies is that they're too long, but while 2 hours seems too long for a movie like this, it whizzed by; a few awkward moments and fashion don't stop it from being fun, and I genuinely had no idea which was it was going to go.

Final thoughts? The last game of the year - the vital game - the other team gets various violent sociopaths to play for the team to beat the shit out of the Chiefs. It's payback for what the Chiefs have been doing all year. One of them has just got out of prison, we're told. The one Chief who doesn't want to fight does a striptease on the ice, driving the ladies WILD, but enraging the captain of the other team so much that he punches a ref and thus forfeits the game, serving as a quick reminder that the 'violence is better than nudity' argument has been going on a long time. This was a really interesting snapshot into the era. 

 For more, the link of all movies 'reviewed' so far is right here.

1947: Boomerang (3)

What else happened this year? Looking it up, a lot was happening at this time, probably the most influential, maybe, was Indian independence related?

what is the plot - in one sentence? A recreation of a true tale where a small Connecticut town's police, media and political might work to find, then convict the killer of a beloved Priest who was shot in broad daylight.

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? To avoid looking incompetent, the media, police and political class work hard to convict someone on circumstantial evidence, but a State attorney works hard to prove that the rule of law works. At the movies end, a little fellow we're strongly lead to believe did the killing is shown to be killed in a car crash, which goes unremarked upon by all but one press-man. Also, one of the politicians is trying to make the conviction stick so that he can push through a corrupt land deal, which the attorney's wife is indirectly involved in, but he still does the 'right thing' and refused to convict. We're told that this is based on a real event, and the honest Attorney is now the DA of the USA., or something.

What is the meaning of the Title? I have no idea. Boomerang isn't mentioned, so the best that I can think of is that the town leaders used the 'weapon' of justice to look good and save face, but the honor of the truth meant that it came back to hit them, as a boomerang kind of does. That's a hell of a reach, but I can't think of any other meaning.

This is obviously where they got the inspiration for that scene in the Usual Suspects. Though have you tried watching that recently? It's not aged well.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? I don't know about aged well, but it's very of its time. There are several scenes where people have a drink in the morning; the DA guy makes an old-fashioned the moment he gets home, it looks lovely.

Any thoughts? Aside from the lack of tracking technology that would make this case much easier today, this is pretty apt and on the nose tale. It's about the importance of seeming competent vs being right, which is presumably always going to be politically relevant, as is the underlying theme on the unreliability of memory.

There were a couple of funny scenes, including where a psychologist is dismissed as not being a real scientist or a doctor, which presumably reflects the views of the time. The man they get to confess is kept up all night and forced to sign a confession, but he's also shown to have PTSD and a huge sense of insecurity over his actions in the war, effectively, he's having a midlife crisis, and he's about 25.

Would you recommend this? Sure, if some bozo hadn't spoiled it for you on this page; it was a well acted and interesting crime drama, and who doesn't love that?

Final thoughts? The man we're led to think is the one who shot the priest, is shown at the beginning talking to him and being scolded for his devious, inhumane actions. I guess we're meant to think he's gay, or maybe a communist?

This movie also has one of the most obvious central mission questions ever stated on camera, where the question 'Is one man's life worth more than the community?' is asked to the camera. It's the entire premise of the movie in a single question. Anyway, this was good, even if I have no idea why it's called boomerang. 

 Want to see more of this list? Go here, gorgeous.

1923 - The Covered Wagon (2)

What else happened this year? From memory: The Teapot Dome Scandal. Something I know nothing about but the name. In reality - I was right! It ended that year, this was also the year of German hyperinflation. 

What is the plot - in one sentence? It's a Western where two men compete for the affections of a lady as they lead a party of wagons across to the West coast of America. 

I don't have time, just spoil it for me? One of them is a villain, one an earnest fella. The villain does his best to undermine the hero, while hiding his own misdeeds; but in the end he's killed by one of the hero's mates, and the door is open for the hero bloke to go from California to Oregon to settle down with her. Bet he can't wait for that. 

What is the meaning of the title? They're on a wagon train, but there's no specific covered wagon of note, how mysterious?

The main hero, his mate, the one woman in the movie, and a misunderstanding that shouldn't have happened.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? For a love-triangle, silent western movie it's not that bad: the Native Americans all seem genuine and are largely friendly, there's no violence to women, though the villain does have some killed through his assholery; oh, yeah, there's a few scenes of animals obviously dying - a horse falling off a cliff, for one - but he, this movie's 98 years old, that horse would be long dead by now anyway. There's also quicksand, which isn't a concern today, largely due to it not being real. 

Any thoughts? The main hero of the movie is as earnest and noble as the main villain is an asshole. He's almost comically 'good' - the two even wear white and black. What I found interesting was that the girl seems to like the hero, but her dad tells her not to talk to him because, and she just obeys it unquestioningly. Her father doesn't trust the hero because the villain had been spreading lies about him. Her father trusted the villain despite his continued evil deeds and comically evil facial hair. It was a simpler time back then. There's a lengthy scene where the hero makes a very creepy-looking doll for a child; there's a very lengthy and hypnotic scene where horses and then cattle swim across a large river (which is a cool thing); and there's an even lengthier scene where a man in need of knowledge that is important to the plot has to get drunk enough to remember it. It's moderately amusing, but jeez does it go on a while. There's also a banjo playing urchin who is part of the wagon trail, who pops up from time to time, and I kept thinking must be dead by now. Possibly the most interesting is the fashion. The dame is pretty by modern standards, which isn't a given for movies from the 1920s, but she's dressed like a sister-wife. Meanwhile the hero cowboy (there's no need to have the names for a silent movie, is there?) is a strange looking guy anyway, but he isn't helped by having ghastly make-up and high-waisted pants which make him look utterly bizarre. 

Would you recommend this? The final battle scene is suitably epic, there's a grand sweep to the whole movie, and it moves along at a brisk and deliberate pace. The villain tells that the hero was kicked out of the army, but we later find out that he was kicked out over a misunderstanding, and was actually saving lives - other than his whiter than white attitude, and the inevitability that he'd finally get his way, this was fun. 

 Final thoughts? This movie might have the world record for handshakes on-screen. If you did a drink every ten times someone shook hands with another person, you'd be hammered in about 10 minutes. At the end of ho-downs, fights, river crossings, conversations, it was relentless. Though this is a love triangle, like many westerns, it's really a love story about two men: the hero, and his mate, a large, goofy-lookin' fella who shoots the villain at the end, and has a huge appetite. I hope they got it together.

For all others in this series: go here

2017: Kong: Skull Island (1)

Kong: Skull Island

What else happened this year? From memory - is this when Kim and Trump met in Singapore? - in reality, it's when Kim's brother was poisoned by a Vietnamese woman wearing a WTF t-shirt, other than that, seems a lot of reaction to Trump and to the Brexit vote.

What is the plot - in one sentence? At the end of the Vietnam War, a ragtag group of soldiers and scientists explore the mysterious Skull Island.

I don't have time for your nonsense, just spoil it for me? King Kong is there. After much - Much - to-ing and fro-ing, a few survivors make it off the island and they are told that Godzilla is around, too.

What is the meaning of the title? Kong lives on an island that looks like a skull.

So apparently in the years I've been gone they've changed how to comment under photos? Well, this is a screenshot from the movie, taken from one of the months-long fights between two creatures I care not for.

Anything that's not aged well? Does a woman get slapped around? This is so recent that nothing's really not aged well, but it's telling that the CGI is dreadful even at 4 years distance. There's also a Chinese assistant to the scientists who carries a gun around for no reason and speaks all of her lines phonetically, a nod to the fact that this is aimed at the Chinese market. Also, Legendary, the company behind this, is Chinese owned, there you go.

Any thoughts? This was recommended to me by a friend. I will have to really re-consider that friendship, because this movie was terrible. The scenes of soldiers providing 'comic relief' were never anything less than painful, and dragged an already slow movie down even more; the action was entirely weightless due to overuse of CGI: there's a scene where one guy gets ripped to bloodless shreds by pterodactyls, and it looks like something from Turkish television. 

Aside from that, the action scenes were far, FAR too long. The initial attack of Kong vs helicopters and the final fight involving Kong wielding chains were at least 10 minutes too long each. The main enemy of Kong was utterly underwhelming too, it's a sort of lizard-in-a-witches-hat thing.

I said 'Oh for crying out loud' at least 6 times during this - and none of them happened in a place that they were intended. For the record:

• When Samuel L Jackson opens a beer, straight to camera;

• when a guy says 'I'm not getting on that helicopter' and then is seen on the helicopter;

• when I realised that a soldier writing to his son was going to be a recurring motif from all of the soldiers;

• when Kong reaches for a gigantic octopus in a river, but you're meant to think he's reaching for a soldier;

• When John C. Reilly speaks in Japanese;

• when the makeshift boat they are on has an LP player on it, which means that some soldier had to lug it, and a power-source, through the dangerous jungle.

Would you recommend this? No, this is a real waste of $200million, with very little to recommend it. John C. Reilly is pretty funny in his bit, but jeez everything else... I'll single out the soundtrack - which is obviously by someone who doesn't like 70s music so they googled some hits, and the main woman, Brie Larson - who a year before was winning awards for Room, but here is just a grinning, photo-taking idiot - you can see why Kong isn't that bothered about her.

The original King Kong was better, it had the good grace to be kind of charming, and over in about an hour and a bit.

Final thoughts? Tom Hiddleston plays a mercenary, and in a role that I've never seen before, as he plays the male equivalent of eye candy in a movie from the 1930s. A genuine 'himbo.' He flexes, holds his body in unusual positions, and adds nothing to the story. I mean he's a good-looking guy, but jeez he looks like he could do with a meal; he's also meant to be a real tough guy, but his voice sounds like he'd be talking to you about parking permits in some miserable English town.

This is the first movie I've watched for this, and I'm sure it'll be long forgotten by the time I reach the inevitable conclusion. 

 You can find a list of all of them as they arrive, right here. 

Century Of Cinema

 Hello folks!

It's been a long time. I work now, but I want to get back to writing for 'fun' instead of for 'soul-crushing work.' So I'll do something here. My idea is to watch a movie from every year in the last century and beyond, and make some comments on it. It'll have some notes from things that happened in that year, we'll see what could and couldn't make it into a movie made today, and it'll allow me to catch up on some great movies. Best of all though, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. Everyone is a winner!

I'll use THIS page to keep track and links to all of the movies I've visited. Sounds fun, right? More news coming soon.

2022: Jackass Forever (101st)

2021: Nobody (23rd)

2020: Psycho Goreman (11th) 

2019: A Sun (9th)  

2018: Sisters Brothers, The (46th)

2017: Kong: Skull Island (1st)

2016: Hush (5th)

2015: Brooklyn (47th)

2014: Creep (21st) 

2013: The Selfish Giant (76th)

2012: Beyond Outrage (74th)

2011: Wild Bill (14th) 

2010: Meek's Cutoff (80th!)

2009: Joneses, The (2009)

2008: Terribly Happy (7th) 

2007: You, The Living (95th!)

2006: Sixty Six (13th) 

2005: Matador, The (96th)

2004: Night Watch (78th)

2003: Haute Tension (58th) 

2002: May (79th)

2001: Avalon (71st)

2000: IVANSXTC (90th!)

1999: Detroit Rock City (18th)

1998: Kirikou and The Sorceress (16th)

1997: Suzaku (56th)

1996: The Craft (37th)

1995: Wild Bill (32nd)

1994: Serial Mom (43rd)

1993: Falling Down (39th)

1992: Baraka (25th!)

1991: A Scene At The Sea (8th) 

1990: Nikita (66th)

1989: Abyss, The (30th) 

1988: Navigator: A Medieval Odyssey, The (60th!)

1987: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (41st)

1986: Mona Lisa (51st)

1985: Lost In America (72nd)

1984: Police Academy (70th)

1983: The Fourth Man (68th)

1982: The Verdict (69th)

1981: My Dinner With Andre (27th)

1980: Altered States (63rd)

1979: Phantasm (29th)

1978: Jubilee (62nd)

1977: Slap Shot (4th)

1976: Death Cheaters (12th)  

1975: Tommy (28th)

1974: Phantom of the Paradise, The (50th!)

1973: Day of The Dolphin, The (20th)

1972: Discreet Charm Of The Bourgiouse (89)

1971: Shaft (10th) 

1970: Circle Rouge, Le (68th)

1969: Alfred The Great (73rd)

1968: Hour Of The Wolf (44th)

1967: Robbery (6th)

1966: Fahrenheit 451 (75th!) 

1965: Cincinnati Kid, The (84th)

1964: Viva Las Vegas! (34th) 

1963: Pink Panther, The (52nd)

1962: Trial, The (92nd)

1961: Curse Of The Were-Wolf (87th)

1960: Peeping Tom (15th) 

1959: Ride Lonesome (19th)  

1958: Man of The West (53rd)

1957: Run of The Arrow, The (45th)  

1956: Wrong Man, The (55th!)

1955: Diabolique (aka Les Diaboliques) 33rd

1954: Barefoot Contessa, the (65th!)

1953: Second Chance (17th)

1952: Big Sky, The (48th)

1951: Prowler, The (86th)

1950: All About Eve (42nd)

1949: Criss Cross (35th)

1948: Force Of Evil (54th)

1947: Boomerang (3rd)

1946: Cloak and Dagger (83rd)

1945: Enchanted Cottage, the (88th)

1944: Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo (57th)

1943: Shadow Of A Doubt (77th)

1942: Yankee Doodle Dandy (61st)

1941: Face Behind The Mask, The (64th)

1940: Westerner, The (24th)

1939: Invisible Stripes (81st) 

1938: A Christmas Carol (82nd)

1937: Born To The West (59th) 

1936: Dodsworth (93rd)

1935: Mutiny on The Bounty, The (49th) 

1934: Scarlett Empress, The (85th!)

1933: Testament of Dr Mabuse, The (36th)

1932: Trouble In Paradise (26th)

1931: Smart Money (91st)

1930: Blue Angel, The (94th)

1929: St Louis Blues (103rd and last!)

1928: Man Who Laughs, The (38th)

1927: Unknown, The (22nd)

1926: Faust (99th)

1925: Lost World, The (40th!)

1924: The Last Laugh (100th!)

1923: Covered Wagon, The (2nd)

1922: Cops (99th)

1921: The Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse (102nd)

1920: The Golem (97th)