World Cup 2011 - A Run-Down
This list is not really a who I would most like to win the world cup, but a list of who I most want to see do well, it’s unlikely that countries such as Georgia, Namibia, or Japan will need to do more than win a game to consider that they have done well, so it’s all relative. Anyway, here goes. [N.B. This was written before the world cup began, so I will now review after the events of the world cup, in these same, stylish square brackets. The position the team came is written after the team name, easy.]
Order of who I want to do well.
1. Australia (3rd) – To me, the only sympathetic team with a possibility of winning the thing, and a reasonable bunch of blokes too, especially James Horwill, whom I met in a café in Brisbane once. Other press runs off Quade Cooper, but he is a talent that New Zealand probably wish they had held onto, and they play incredibly speedy too. More to the point that it is the third most popular rugby sport in the country, and that’s before cricket, tennis, swimming and soccer get involved: not bad for a country with a huge obesity problem and which still only has 20 million people. The Wallabies are also home to two of my biggest man-crushes, the monstrously athletic Radike Samo, and on the other scale, speedy, handsome Drew Mitchell, who may or may not be fit for the thing. Best of luck. [Outclassed by the all-blacks in the semi, third was pretty deserved. However, the booing of Quade cooper by the new Zealand crowd was just childish, and the reaction of South African fans after the Springboks refused to do anything with a massive possession majority, shows why they are such wonderful people. Also, I realise I've talked a lot about man-crushes, that won't change.]
2. Scotland (Group Stages) – Despite the game only being played by the poshest of schools, I still have to support Scotland, will be happy to go home with every game lost but the one to England, and I couldn’t begrudge them that. It’s not great that they haven’t scored a try since last millennium, which is a shame. [Perfectly said and perfectly prophetic, although they did lose to England].
3. Fiji (Group Stages) – I like Fiji, and I like Fijians. A small, rugby-mad nation of giant smiling people. A tough group though, so probably won’t go through, I do hope they beat Wales though. [Really struggled, and got nailed by Wales, the dicks].
4. Japan (Group Stages) – One win would probably be enough for them to go home happy, but as they represent the entire continent of Asia (Except perhaps Russia) they should be cheered on (and I know that a lot of their players are officially not Japanese, but such is life.) [Put the frighteners on France, had a draw with Canada (for the second world cup in a row) - but most of their players are white guys, come on Japan...]
5. Georgia (Group Stages) – I guess these guys count as Asia too, but I’m not really sure. Anyway, a small country where a couple of my friends live, and I think they earned themselves some fans by nearly beating Ireland last time. [No real comments, although their number eight was very impressive, a team of potential.]
6. Canada (Group Stages) – No real reason why I chose these guys so high, but it’s my list, and I’ll do what I want. Still, no real reason to hate them. [No real reason to hate them, and one of their players had the most incredible beard, would be higher if done now]
7. Romania (Group Stages) – A once mighty rugby powerhouse, and now probably one of the weakest nations in the cup, 7 seems about right. [Nothing to add, didn't really do much, but gained some sympathy when Chris Ashton did that swan dive try against them.]
8. Tonga (Group Stages) – More giant Pacific Island blokes, and it’s hard to begrudge them success, particularly as it’s a country of only 90,000 people (although there are that many people of Tongan ancestry in Sydney). That giant guy who plays for Northampton saints is a pretty good guy to see playing too. [Beat France, which is something even New Zealand struggled to do, but didn't seem to get into any fights, and lost badly to Canada].
9. Russia (Group Stages) – No real opinions, this is probably the least likely team to win any matches, but it’s their first world cup, and you wouldn’t begrudge them a good show, unless you’ve just come from the 1980s and have watched Top Gun. [Got a point against the US, from what I can remember, which is more than I could get, well done to them. I've also read that they will pour more and more money into the game in Russia, so they could well become a new powerhouse (N.B. they won't)]
10. France (losing finalist) – I’m not so bothered about the French team, Australia always seems to beat them, especially when it matters (1999) and any enemy of the English and New Zealand teams is fine by me. I will concede that I like the French way of thinking, and have as much resistance to French women as I do to Uranium sandwiches. [I think they deserved to win the final, although it would have led to their deaths at the hands of 4 million Kiwis. However, they were far from the best team in the tournament, they lost to Tonga, a country of 90,000, and so winning the tournament would have been obscene. I also think the way they conducted themselves during and after the final, despite losing largely because of the ref, and being maimed, illegally by Richie McCaw, was a huge boon]
11. Samoa (Group Stages) – Like these guys a bit less than Fiji and Tonga, but not sure why. Don’t exactly despise them, they’re big guys and will probably do some damage, I wouldn’t mind them getting through to the next round at the expense of either Wales or South Africa. [Had a tough group, should have beaten Wales, but didn't. There was controversy when one of the players made some stupid comments on twitter, but twitter is for idiots, so no one should be surprised.]
12. USA (Group Stages )– Have no real opinion about the team, not really fussed. N.B. Over course of matches, was full of dicks, so would probably be lower now. [would probably be lower on this list if I was to do it again; one of their players, by the name of Clever, seemed to be one of those tosser rugby guys who put everyone off the game. A late-tackling, fight-starting prick with no real skill. I just looked him up and he's played for South African teams. No surprise there.]
13. Namibia (Group Stages) – See USA, but lower because they are South Africa-lite. [got beaten badly by everyone, probably won't be back anytime soon; but there has to be another African team, perhaps Zimbabwe, the Ivory coast, or Tunisia for the next world cup]
14. Italy (Group Stages) – Pretty unimpressed with these guys, but still my third favourite Six Nations team, which says something. Coached by a south African, and it shows, I don’t think they’ll do very well, and will probably just roll over for their match against Australia. [Spot on prediction for me there.]
15. Argentina (Quarter Finalists) – Not really fans of these guys, they play pretty boring rugby, and don’t really seem to enjoy playing it out at the backs, just forward grunters, and they’re probably better than that. [Other than a good try against New Zealand, and a piece of individual magic against Scotland to win the match, they did nothing impressive and accomplished nothing. Still, this tri-nations (plus one) should be fun to watch because of them].
16. Wales (Lost 3rd place match) – I’ve lived for nearly a decade in the United Kingdom, and am proud that I have never been to Wales, and if there is any justice, I will never go there. I’ve met a lot of really objectionable Welsh people, and their team, comprised solely of people called Williams and Jones, annoys me a lot. Shane Williams seems to have gained a reputation as a finisher by scampering along from two meters out against minnows. I hope they lose to Fiji and Samoa. [The fuss they kicked up about the red card in the semi-final, and their insistence that had that not been given, there would have been a Welsh victory in the final, was irritating beyong belief. They lost three matches and were convinced it was everyone else's fault – screw those guys. However, a small glimmer of sympathy for them when they called over the medics when Quade Cooper injured his leg, I can't imagine that happening with every team.]
17. Ireland (Quarter-Finalists) – I have a bit of a problem with Ireland rugby in general, not least because if Brian O’Driscall was the best player of his generation, and this was a golden generation, then the team would have won more than ZERO games when the world cup is a knockout tournament. Also, that big second rower O’Connoll is useless, and the rest of the team just a bunch of potato munching fucktards. I hope they go out before the knockout stages, again. [Beat Australia in one of the least entertaining matches of the tournament, before, surprise surprise, losing come knockout time, dicks].
18. South Africa (Quarter finalists) – Eye-gouging, boring, England of the South. The fact that England and South Africa have won so many world cups between them is a sorry indictment of the state of world rugby. Also, they seem to have forgotten that they all left their respective country because they spend a century fucking it up through apartheid and the like. Not a great team to watch, cheating bastards, have the second worst accent of world rugby, and play a terrible, forward first, long kicking game of rugby. However, they’re not looking so hot this year, so will probably end up winning the thing like they did last time. It pains me to say it, but a win for the Jarpes, would be less awful for me than either England or New Zealand winning it. [p.s. after getting knocked out because they couldn’t score points, they went to blame the ref and conspiracy theories, like a common New Zealander) [Pathetic, lost fair and square to David Pocock and some other guys, and whined about it like Nancy Kerrigan - saying that it was a conspiracy was just sour grapes, especially when Schalk Burger did more eye-gouging than should have ever been allowed. So I guess those fans will have to retire to their electricity free shacks in South Africa or move to London, Sydney, Perth, Edinburgh, and increasingly, the US, all-the-while complaining that South Africa is a better place].
19. New Zealand (Winners) - These guys are hilarious. Swaggering about like they own the place, talking in the worst accents in Christendom, forcing teams to respect the haka, while ignoring the other teams at national anthems; accusing teams of cheating or celebrating too much when they lose, rubbing it in when they win, managing to lose every world cup except one despite going into all of them as the favourite, and yet still refusing to call it choking, and making up excuses as to why they didn’t, allowing Ritchie McCaw to cheat, having the worst, most fair-weather fans in world rugby, which is really saying something; Graham Henry whining and being arrogant at the same time. I hope they lose to a Ritchie McCaw Penalty in the final. [spent the last 24 years making excuses, had 16 men on the side for the grand final, which was at home, and could only beat a team which lost to Tonga by a single point, and with huge help from the ref. Still, they'll be bleating on about it for years.]
20. England (Quarter Finalists) – It would be better for New Zealand to lose than England, in my opinion, because Kiwis are such irritants. However, as I live in Scotland, and receive English channels, England winning would be awful. In 2003, when a scrappy drop-kick won them a match which they should have run away with, there were parades, endless news reports, and constant reference to it in everyday life. This continues to this day. I have no idea why a country with such a great past, finds it necessary to ignore cultural, civic and scientific achievement, choosing instead to refer constantly to both 1966 and 2003. Most annoying though, is the use of the word ‘we’ by the public to refer to the team. For example, a fat, bald man in a bar saying, ‘we beat you in 2003’ – despite, to the best of my knowledge, Clive Woodward never selecting a moon-faced fat man in a bar to play, instead choosing professional athletes. However, were I in Australia still, New Zealand would be the ultimate choice for not succeeding. [Big fail, made almost sympathetic by how much negative press they got: no one really cares if they went to a bar or threw a midget - I say almost sympathetic until Ashton did that stupid swan dive try when scoring against Romania. What a worm headed fucker.]
Conclusion: an interesting world cup.
No comments:
Post a Comment