Guilty Pleasures (Movies)

I’ve been away for a fair while, and have only just seen the music video for Gangnam style. It’s pretty funny, but once is enough. I’ve also been listening to Ween, like a common 16-year-old. These two things have got me thinking about my favourite ‘guilty pleasures’ – specifically movies. I would count 'Mad Max 2', 'The Castle', and 'Idiocracy' as guilty pleasures, but I can argue that they are all genuinely good. The following though, I can't convince myself that these are high art, but I do like them. Here are five guilty pleasure movies, in chronological order. 

1. Hausu [1977]

Plot In One Sentence: In this demented horror-comedy, a group of seven friends go to visit one of their grandmas (and her cat) – turns out she (and her cat) are a witch or vampire or something!

A surprisingly sane picture, the eponymous 'House' is on the top left. [source]

Why Is It So Good / Bad? Made to appeal to a youth market, this follows a group of girls, each with their own distinct characteristic (e.g. one is sweet, one is hungry, one likes to fight), who are killed in some of the most bizarre deaths of all time. To illustrate, one is eaten by a piano, while another is smothered by sentient mattresses. The tone is uneven, the plot nonsensical, there are myriad insane scenes, cuts, and musical cues, and their teacher gets turned into bananas - but it’s hilarious and stupid at the same time. Almost unwatchable sober, but a great movie to watch drunk. 

Best Scene(s): The girls get on the train, where they discuss the past and have a collective flashback which should advance the plot but which they talk and gossip over. Another highlight is the athletic girl, for no reason whatsoever, gets rid of most of her clothes to fight the ghost. The undoubted highlight is when the cat sings the theme tune, which had been repeated throughout the movie. 

2. G.I. Samurai – [1979]            

Plot In One Sentence: A small modern military force travels back to Samurai time for some reason and pits modern military might against huge samurai armies.

Imagine walking your dog and coming across the filming of this. [source]

Why Is It So Good / Bad? Have you, like me, ever wondered if, like, twenty guys with guns, a tank and a helicopter could defeat a samurai army of thousands? Well Wonder no more! It’s a pretty good action movie, but its central premise is never explained, it’s overlong, and it’s almost entirely humourless which means that the scenes between the battles drag considerably. The main battle, after the group is betrayed by their allies, is an incredible, realistic depiction of how modern technology would compete against huge samurai armies. Also, Sonny Chiba (their leader) is the boss.

Best Scene: The main battle is a highlight, a half hour, serious depiction of warfare between a small modern battalion and a huge samurai army. The highlight of this is the cunning tactics which the samurai army use, particularly to overcome a helicopter. Surprisingly awesome- a nerds wet dream.

3. Road House [1989]

Plot In One Sentence: Patrick Swayze is a ripped, world-famous bouncer, recently out of prison; he is recruited to help bring peace to a rough, rural bar in some dive town, but finds more than he bargained for.

This poster even references 'Dirty Dancing,' making it the most '80s poster ever. [source]

Why Is It So Good / Bad? Possibly the worst idea for a movie ever made, and also probably the most latently homosexual (check out the disdain Swayze shows when he interrupts a couple having sex in the stockroom.) The whole conceit is ridiculous even before you add the insanely over-the-top bad guy, who wants a monopoly on the tiny town. It’s far too long and the romance between Swayze and the girl is basically stapled on. However any movie which has such a thing as a 'world famous bouncer' is beyond awesome.

Best Scene: Swayze’s first appearance in the bar, when he stops someone having heterosexual sex. Actually it’s when he rips out the guys throat (something he'd promised never to do again) after the immortal threat ‘I used to fuck guys like you in prison.’ Terrible. 

4. Shanghai Noon [2000]

Plot In One Sentence: Jackie Chan kicks ass and Owen Wilson cracks wise as they team up in the Wild West to save a princess and gather a scroll (or something.)

In this surprisingly difficult movie to get pictures for, Jackie fights using a horseshoe. [source]

Why Is It So Good / Bad? Other than perhaps 'Zoolander,' this is Owen Wilson at his funniest, and Jackie Chan seems to be having a good time too. It’s got everything: Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson crackin’ wise, some casual racism, Lucy Liu and a red-hot Red-Indian chick. There’s also some good fight scenes, drug taking, and at least two particularly evil bad guys. The problem, it’s pretty crappy, and doesn’t really sound as good as I just made it. 

Best Scene best scene: Owen and Jackie in the bath together playing drinking games and mucking about, predating Brokeback Mountain by a good few years. Also, Owen Wilson saying 'I don't know Karate, but I do know Kerazy' in the most high pitched voice ever.

5. Ong Bak [2003]

Plot In One Sentence: A Thai boxer from the sticks is tasked with bringing back the head of a valuable statue stolen by a guy who has a stoma and speaks with a larynx microphone.

Tony Jaa fights a Japanese guy, as well as Burmese, Australians, Americans and Thais. It's very multicultural. [source]

Why Is It So Good / Bad? Tony Jaa, the lead, is an incredible athlete, and I was actually going to do an ‘in praise of’ of this, but it’s just a bit too stupid. The girl is incredibly annoying, and the bald guy from Tony Jaa's village brings things to a stop every time he is on screen. Also, it starts so slowly that you wonder if there will ever be any joy in your life ever again. However, when the action starts it's amazing. The fight scenes are incredibly skillful and brutal and some other scenes showcase his athletic ability (namely the sprint through the crowded street). The climactic fights first in the garage, then in the cave is breath-taking, as is the extended scene in the Bangkok fight club where he is pitted against: a giant Australian; a speedy Japanese guy with an Afro; and a gay fella in a bandanna. All the action is Jaw-dropping, back-breaking and incredibly impressive stuff. Which makes the drag of the non-fighting stuff all the more irrelevant: particularly the tuk-tuk chase scene. 

Best Scene: the utterly irrelevant first 40 minutes before the action starts, or conversely, the insane, brutal fight with the Burmese guy at the end, especially the finishing move, which has to be seen to be believed (hint, hint)

 

 In conclusion: I stand by these, though I'm sure I could make more lists like it if possible. Just bubbling under, 'They Live', which I would have written about if I had the inclination. The fight scene alone makes this worth whatever money you pay for it. Have a friggin' great weekend.

Pascal.