The Harem Team

Hello everyone and happy new year! And welcome back to me- hopefully I’ll have a little more time to do some writing here now. Anyway, one of the more popular articles that I wrote last year was this one, about people I find attractive. This discussion continued with a friend of mine, who despite being whiter than I am, has converted to Islam. He lives in Indonesia where the interpretation there allows you four wives. I told some other friends this, and it led to a discussion on who we would most want on our harem team. The discussion went on for an age, but here are my 4. N.B. no one from the original list is allowed on; no one who isn’t famous either, and also no one who is a cartoon character – these last two criteria prevent my cousin’s attractive friend from being picked, and also Jasmine from Aladdin, who is a spicy dish.

1. Sabrina Houssami

There were certainly better pictures of her, but I chose this because I have no idea what's going on here. [source]

A former Miss Australia of Lebanese origin, and more importantly a babe. Tall, exotic and slender, she’s a beauty of some renown. Also, a close friend of mine went to school with her, and says that she is - and I quote -  "not a dick," which is better than nothing I suppose.

2. Nadezhda Tolokonnikova

No source.

I thought I was alone in this crush until at least two of my friends mentioned the 'hot one from Pussy Riot'. An internet search, as ever, opened my eyes further. She's exotic and pretty (at least before time in a gulag), principled, and now thanks to a prison sentence, a little dangerous. Ideal. Also, she’s tall. Sold. Also, she shouldn't be in jail anyway, she's got a kid.

3. Liz Cambage

Speaking of tall, let’s lob someone 6 foot 8 on the list. She seems pretty enough, and from an interview I saw of her after that game where she did a dunk seems pretty funny too. I also like the fact that she's a giant: perhaps I just want to be the little spoon. Also, I’ve just realised that I’ve chosen two Australian women to be forced into my harem, I’m not sure this is going to work out.

4. Salma Hayek

Wow. Boobs. [source]

Probably the most long-lasting lust-crush I've ever had. A serious babe, no doubt about it, and she’s still screaming hot at like 50. I’m not sure of her exact genetic mix, but it’s a good one. If only she'd been in more than two good movies. Still, it works.

In conclusion. No time for messing around with blondes, redheads, Asian chicks today – it appears that I sympathise with Shakespeare’s quest for his dark woman. I'm aware that this is a creepy article, but boobs means searches, and searches means hits for me. Hope everyone is having a great 2013 so far!

P