As a favour for a friend, I spent last weekend as one of the 'males' in a speed-dating section. It was fun. Because the men were outnumbered 3-1, we went for an interesting scenario. The women would get to talk to all the guys in turn for three minutes, while the guys weren't allowed to say anything. When this was done, the guys got to speak for a minute, this time with the girls were unable to speak. At the end you found people you liked and then chatted to them, with booze supplied. The initial part of being talked to without responding, was both weird (it's tough to speak for a minute without anyone responding, let alone three), and informative.
You can tell a lot about someone by how they present themselves immediately, and in three minutes you can tell an awful lot about a lot of people. So, I, and all the guys, used our minutes intelligently. Anyone crazy, you give them a minute where you're boring, anyone nice seeming, you make the effort. Knowledge was power. Anyway, here are things I learnt from three minute monologues.
1. Most 3 minutes cover a lot - school, work, travel experiences, and the things they enjoy doing. This is good. Others hinted at personality problems (ex-boyfriends, being a bitch, being stupid etc) which was useful in using your own minute to them, Most people also found time to show me their tattoos too, which wasn't unoriginal at all. I really don't get it, even educated, intelligent people now have tattoos. What the fuck?
2. Fair play to the girls who said basically the same things 6 times (6 guys were there) for three minutes, I was so bored and tired at the end of 10 minutes talking to people that I mainly just yawned or stopped talking early. I also hate repeating myself, which made it, and dating in general, problematic for me.
3. Some girls describe themselves as 'mad' or 'wacky' - those people are alcoholics or use deliberate affectations to distance themselves from the mainstream, respectively.
4. Most people were there for fun (or because they knew the girl who runs the event), and were joking around, which made the thing more relaxing. I was worried initially that it wouldn't be fun, but it pretty much was. The most terrifying thing though, was the girls there who were genuinely looking for Mr. Right - a man who doesn't exist. A dating tip I've found out is that you aren't going to find a partner in a night club who isn't a piece of shit, and the same applies for speed dating. Meet through friends, at parties, or just creep on people in laundro-mattes (how I met my first wife). I know people who say internet dating isn't as bad as you'd think, but I don't have any experience with it. Anyway, speed dating isn't a great hope. I don't think I'm being sexist here by thinking that the guys weren't looking for relationships, just a good time and maybe some sex.
5. A lot of people work in H.R. - a job which is pointless and useless, and actually negative to most companies productivity. It will probably go down as one of the great scams of our time, especially as head of H.R. is typically enormously overpaid. H.R. is only not pointless to the people who do H.R.
6. A lot of girls say that they want a tall boyfriend, but forget that they have to wear high heels everywhere, which hurts them, and then complain that you are too tall. I maintain that you have to be 5 foot 9 or over to get anywhere near me. It's practical.
6A. People say they want someone who can make them laugh. This is untrue. Girls want muscles, and guys want someone to have sex with. Next.
7. Looks: I went to a party a few years ago where I dressed as a woman. A friend plastered me in foundation, makeup and fake-tan, and I wore fake eyelashes, lipstick, mascara, and a wig. It was hellish, and I didn't look real anymore. I looked like Katy Perry. Even at that level though, I still couldn't match at least three of the girls at the speed dating. Wearing that much makeup is hideous, and you're only lying to yourself. The first time someone sees you without makeup will freak them out (all pimples and blackheads are removed) - the only people stupid enough to fall for it are nightclub guys, who will then treat you like shit because they're nightclub guys. Don't wear a tonne of makeup and then say that all men are pigs. So, what I learned was, people who wear a tonne of makeup are nightmares, and I'd be surprised if there were any exceptions.
8. Single life is fine, and fun. however, if you're single and want to meet someone, I can imagine that is hellishly frustrating. Hellish. If I was taking this thing seriously I'd be very disappointed, luckily I wasn't, and still met a couple of nice people out of it.
9. A surprising amount of girls were either obviously in love with their past boyfriend (a girl said I looked just like him), were devastated by being used by men, or had obvious daddy issues. My advice to them (though I didn't offer it at the time) was you don't need someone by your side if you're not ok with yourself. Actually if I'd said that I would have had a horrible fake nail embedded in my cheek for the foreseeable future.
In conclusion, After this talking to each other thing, the night changed and we were allowed to just talk to each other. and get drinks. I think that worked better. The mix of people there was good, but I'd still rather just meet through more organic ways. Also, the 'guys v girls' mentality of these events isn't great, and my friend who runs the thing should just do what everyone else does: provide alcohol, dim the lights and try not to intervene.
You can tell a lot about someone by how they present themselves immediately, and in three minutes you can tell an awful lot about a lot of people. So, I, and all the guys, used our minutes intelligently. Anyone crazy, you give them a minute where you're boring, anyone nice seeming, you make the effort. Knowledge was power. Anyway, here are things I learnt from three minute monologues.
1. Most 3 minutes cover a lot - school, work, travel experiences, and the things they enjoy doing. This is good. Others hinted at personality problems (ex-boyfriends, being a bitch, being stupid etc) which was useful in using your own minute to them, Most people also found time to show me their tattoos too, which wasn't unoriginal at all. I really don't get it, even educated, intelligent people now have tattoos. What the fuck?
2. Fair play to the girls who said basically the same things 6 times (6 guys were there) for three minutes, I was so bored and tired at the end of 10 minutes talking to people that I mainly just yawned or stopped talking early. I also hate repeating myself, which made it, and dating in general, problematic for me.
3. Some girls describe themselves as 'mad' or 'wacky' - those people are alcoholics or use deliberate affectations to distance themselves from the mainstream, respectively.
4. Most people were there for fun (or because they knew the girl who runs the event), and were joking around, which made the thing more relaxing. I was worried initially that it wouldn't be fun, but it pretty much was. The most terrifying thing though, was the girls there who were genuinely looking for Mr. Right - a man who doesn't exist. A dating tip I've found out is that you aren't going to find a partner in a night club who isn't a piece of shit, and the same applies for speed dating. Meet through friends, at parties, or just creep on people in laundro-mattes (how I met my first wife). I know people who say internet dating isn't as bad as you'd think, but I don't have any experience with it. Anyway, speed dating isn't a great hope. I don't think I'm being sexist here by thinking that the guys weren't looking for relationships, just a good time and maybe some sex.
5. A lot of people work in H.R. - a job which is pointless and useless, and actually negative to most companies productivity. It will probably go down as one of the great scams of our time, especially as head of H.R. is typically enormously overpaid. H.R. is only not pointless to the people who do H.R.
6. A lot of girls say that they want a tall boyfriend, but forget that they have to wear high heels everywhere, which hurts them, and then complain that you are too tall. I maintain that you have to be 5 foot 9 or over to get anywhere near me. It's practical.
6A. People say they want someone who can make them laugh. This is untrue. Girls want muscles, and guys want someone to have sex with. Next.
7. Looks: I went to a party a few years ago where I dressed as a woman. A friend plastered me in foundation, makeup and fake-tan, and I wore fake eyelashes, lipstick, mascara, and a wig. It was hellish, and I didn't look real anymore. I looked like Katy Perry. Even at that level though, I still couldn't match at least three of the girls at the speed dating. Wearing that much makeup is hideous, and you're only lying to yourself. The first time someone sees you without makeup will freak them out (all pimples and blackheads are removed) - the only people stupid enough to fall for it are nightclub guys, who will then treat you like shit because they're nightclub guys. Don't wear a tonne of makeup and then say that all men are pigs. So, what I learned was, people who wear a tonne of makeup are nightmares, and I'd be surprised if there were any exceptions.
8. Single life is fine, and fun. however, if you're single and want to meet someone, I can imagine that is hellishly frustrating. Hellish. If I was taking this thing seriously I'd be very disappointed, luckily I wasn't, and still met a couple of nice people out of it.
9. A surprising amount of girls were either obviously in love with their past boyfriend (a girl said I looked just like him), were devastated by being used by men, or had obvious daddy issues. My advice to them (though I didn't offer it at the time) was you don't need someone by your side if you're not ok with yourself. Actually if I'd said that I would have had a horrible fake nail embedded in my cheek for the foreseeable future.
In conclusion, After this talking to each other thing, the night changed and we were allowed to just talk to each other. and get drinks. I think that worked better. The mix of people there was good, but I'd still rather just meet through more organic ways. Also, the 'guys v girls' mentality of these events isn't great, and my friend who runs the thing should just do what everyone else does: provide alcohol, dim the lights and try not to intervene.
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