Movies Set on Islands

Time. It's one thing that I do have. I'm using my time off to travel to some of the Scottish islands on a boat with a couple of mates. While I could do a review of the islands, we're mainly going to there to visit distilleries and villages to get drunk (a mate who is with broke her ankle, so can't really walk around), so instead I'll mention some movies which are set on Islands, and which I enjoyed:

10. Battle Royale [2000]

Takeshi Kitano (Centre, bottom row) takes time out from guarding his Castle to encourage murder. [Source]

A Class of school kids are placed on an island and forced to kill each other. The last surviving one gets to leave, and the action is televised to provide entertainment to a dystopian nation, and to cull off members of underperforming schools. This Japanese satire of the entertainment industry now looks mildly prophetic, and it also works as an allegory for the cutthroat world of business after leaving school. This movie is now considered a classic, but I disagree, it's overlong and not very focused, and provides a real 'deus ex machina' to help the heroine and her boyfriend survive. It's not great, though it is famous, and the killing takes place on an remote Japanese island, and so it makes number ten.

9. Lord of the Flies [1963]

This picture is from the 1990 version, where Piggy is much more 'Pig-Like' [source]

A planefull of British Schoolboys crash onto a tropical island (which is also Gary Glitter's recurring dream), they soon shed their schooling notions of civilisation and resort to violence, murder and human sacrifice. Meanwhile, it's heavily implied that the adults who have provided them with these same notions of civilisation have begun a nuclear war, and the children were only in a plane to be evacuated. I watched this movie in high school, and we were then asked to compare the movie to the book (we had one of those teachers). However, what I remember mostly was that at least three of our class could qualify to play the character of 'Piggy': glasses-wearing, unsporty, dandruffy, and likely to be cooked within an hour of the crash.

8. The Thin Red Line [1998] 

This picture gives a wrong impression, it's beautifully shot, but not particularly action-heavy [source]

Another Terrence Malick Movie that people either love or hate. If you've seen one, you'll know whether you'll like this or not. It's beautifully filmed, and a philosophical enquiry into the nature of humanity, violence, and even environmental concerns. This one is based on a platoon in the Pacific during the Second World War, and suffered by coming out at pretty much the same time as Saving Private Ryan. A group of celebrity soldiers (seriously, any actor you can think of is in it, it really ruins the illusion of the movie for me when John Travolta and George Clooney rock up) are not only at war with the Japanese, and with themselves, but with nature itself. Though you may think this infuriatingly vague, you can't deny that it is beautifully shot. The setting of the island remains a beautiful reflection of nature, which is indifferent to the human suffering due to the war raging around it.

7. Whiskey Galore [1949]

Surprisingly strong teeth for a booze-hound? [Source]

 An Ealing comedy, supposedly based on a true story, about a Scottish island community deciding first how to get, and then what to do with, the tonnes of whiskey which have shown up on their island after a shipwreck. Various obstacles are in their way, not least a stuffy English army leader who is there. It's an Ealing comedy, so it's pretty funny, pretty screwy, and worth a watch, especially for the way that the islanders and mainlanders are shown as being basically different species.

6. I Walked With a Zombie [1943]

He's one big Zombie boy. [source]

 A Caribbean-style zombie remake of 'Jane Eyre', which we watched when the same teacher who showed us #9 was in sick. The movie is interesting, and a little frightening, even if we were shown it at the age where half the class automatically got erections when the lights were dimmed. Will definitely check this out if I can find it again, especially as it was only about an hour long.

5. King Kong [1933]  / Mothra [1961] 

Mothra's Egg, she then turns into a giant grub, then to a moth. This is 'Eggra'?[source]

I mean the original King Kong, not the pointless and over-long remake by Peter Jackson. The original is a wonderful piece of 1930s nonsense, and which seemed to be on TV every day I had chickenpox when I was 11, so I can pretty much remember it by heart. Possibly parodied so much that you will have seen every scene in one way or another before you have actually seen the movie  (see also 'The Graduate'), but brilliant; and the Island, skull-shaped and ominous, is incredible. I'd also like to mention the island on which the deranged 'Mothra' is set, without giving anything away, it's definitely worth checking out, particularly if you are high (on life).Seriously it might be the maddest movie about giants moths you'll ever see.

4. Ieodo Island [1977]

An atmospheric scenegrab from an atmospheric movie.

 OK, I'm putting this here to show how cultured I am, and it's probably the most obscure movie I've ever watched: A Korean murder mystery with magic and primitive beliefs. It's a movie where the villagers of the island try to continue living their ritualistic, almost primitive lives, even as times change and a tourist hotel is planned. There's also a possible murder mystery tying the whole thing together. The conclusion, which I won't give away, genuinely blew my mind. I can't really go into any more detail without giving it away. If you can, try to see this movie, but go in with an open mind
.

3. Profound Desires of the Gods [1968] 

Cool, freaky masks seem to play a big part of Island life. [source]

Similar in theme to #4, but set on a slightly friendlier Okinawan island. The setting is beautiful, and made me realise how much I miss coral reef when I'm not around it (what an arsehole thing to think!). A theme of the movie is how the villagers, who are slowly modernising, try in vain to hold onto their rituals. The film centres around one family, ostracised by the village but still held in regard as its shamans, and who are reflective of the islands gods own origin story. The family leader is forced to dig a hole in an Sisyphean penance; his sister, and possible lover, is the village shaman forced to live with a village elder. This village elder is smart enough to straddle the primitive elements of the island and also act as a go-between for the huge company which employs the majority of the village. Other than this there is a hard working son who longs to move to Tokyo, and a retarded-but-attractive daughter, who may or may not be a genuine prophetess herself. A visiting engineer falls in love with her, and for a time shuns the notions of civilisation to enjoy this paradise. The paradise however, is just as violent as anywhere else, and the villagers struggle to find fresh water and employment the majority of the time. A couple of really shocking scenes, including the last appearance of the grandpa, and the red sailed boat, give this an ethereal, violent quality which is hard to explain; the movie runs to nearly three hours, but drifts by with a dream-like ease. The conclusion, which suggests that most of the villagers have left, or are now being viewed as a sort of primitive museum by smug mainlanders, is also very poignant.

2. Trick The Movie 2 [2004]

Someday I want to be painted like this. [source]

 A movie I watched on a plane, and liked it so much that I hunted it down on DVD. It's about a couple (one a scientist, the other a failed magician) who use their knowledge to solve magic happenings. Juxtaposed with this is a uniquely Japanese sense of humour, filled with slapstick, puns, insane visual jokes (such as an unexplained gift they are given, a computer generated caterpillar) as well as musical and visual cues which make it genuinely hilarious. I would love to see it remade into English; the closest thing in existence would be perhaps Jonathan Creek, but this movie is a lot cleverer and a lot more funny. The two leads are a lot more attractive as well. The fight scene is hilarious, and some of the visual gags are astonishing and ridiculous. Anyway, the couple are charged with solving the disappearance of a girl many years ago which leads them to an island where a mysterious, cult-like figure uses magic to impress her charges. Unlike #3, the island isn't beautiful or tropical, but has a more, ragged, cold feeling to it, and this is reflected by its unresponsive, obtrusive occupants. A Scottish remake is on the way.

1. The Wicker Man [1973]

Procession with masks. This already looks like enormous fun, and then you get to sacrifice someone! [source]

 As I will soon be travelling to the Scottish isles, I mean the original Wicker Man, not the awful remake. Here a religious Scottish policeman is summoned to an island to solve the mysterious disappearance of a girl. When he gets there, he finds the villagers less than helpful, but enjoying life practising pagan rituals, one of which he becomes a huge and unwitting part of. I have the DVD of this, and I think that the original version, rather than the extended version, is better. The extended version tends to overexplain things, instead of thriving on their mystery. A scene from the extended version where Christopher Lee talks while two snails mate is ridiculous rather than powerful. The conclusion is very interesting, and makes a great deal of sense in the context of the rest of the movie. It is a real surprise. The juxtaposition of eccentric characters, intelligent leaders, religious self-oppression and retribution at the films conclusion makes this a real British cult classic. As do the musical numbers, which have made its translation into a Glasgow Musical possible. The island on which it is set, Summerisle, has palm trees growing on it, and this is apparently true, an Atlantic drift warms the currents and makes it unusually warm in a small area of the North West of the Scottish highlands. There is a myth that there are islands where pineapples can grow, but I have never seen that. I have however, seen tropical ferns and palm trees north of Ullapool. I will let you know if I see anything else on my trip.

In conclusion:
this list was harder to do than I'd imagined, I still left off 'Hell in the Pacific', 'L'avventura' (which is beautiful, but which I found really pretentious) and possibly 'Milo and Otis'. In most of these movies, islands provide a geographical boundary from the mainland which can help to isolate those not from the islands, and allow the islanders themselves to develop communities as they see fit, the people can be either accommodating or evil. Similarly, shipwrecks or prolonged periods away from 'civilisation' can lead to people either reverting to a more 'primitive' way of life, or being tempted by its siren-like call. A common theme in these movies is that the people of the island are 'backwards', acting more primitively than those of the mainland, and still clinging onto rituals which mainland people shed years ago. Sacrificing to appease gods, or cowed by magic seems to be a common theme, at least in the list I have made above. Luckily, in real life, most people I know from Islands are lovely. In all cases, the settings, surrounded by sea and therefore potentially cut off from civilisation, adds to the sense of either beauty and naturalism, or of fear and claustrophobia.

p.s. photos of the trip up later, promise!

Liverpool

A few words this time on Liverpool, in the United Kingdom.

I have been there, and would consider it a failure on my part if I was to ever go there again. It is listed on the UNESCO world heritage sites, and it does have some nice buildings in the centre, but the problem is that right next to it are awful buildings, and all around it are motorways. Other than the pedestrian precinct, which was filled with cheap stores, aggressive track-suited neds, and teenagers with their kids, it may be the least pedestrian-friendly city in the United Kingdom. From the supposedly historically important docks, which were as unpleasant as you can imagine, to the centre of the city, you had to walk along a road which at all times was jammed with cars, which were stationary because of traffic problems. Reaching the city centre, I was amazed by how unpleasant it is. Most stores cheap or chain shops, the streets themselves largely empty, it seems that everyone is stuck in a car driving to the docks. The only place I saw tourists was next to that statue of John Lennon, outside the Tavern, which is in the middle of a surprisingly unpleasant street. The Chinatown, supposedly the first in Europe, seemed to consist of two Chinese restaurants and an arch, it didn't even have a Chinese Supermarket. It was surrounded by stores which suggested Soviet Bloc, in terms of decoration and products. Never before have a seen a city with such a sense of decline and depression, and I've been to Scunthorpe.

Other than the city itself, the people made it even less charming. We tried to go to a bar near our (expensive, but not nice hotel) but were made to feel uncomfortable by the locals. Looking for dinner, we waited 45 minutes in a nearly empty restaurant for our food, before deciding that it wasn't worth it and buying something from a supermarket. Paying for our drinks only, the waiter told us to 'fuckk off' - we did. This brings about something else, the Scouser accent is the worst in the United Kingdom, the people were hideous, and a night to a bar near the supposedly posh part of town near the opera and play houses showed that oompa-lumpa orange is back with a vengeance. I was told 'I can't understand your accent' by a waiter who sounded like he was eating cereal when he talked, and service in every restaurant, bar or shop we went to was appalling.

If any of you have ever met a Liverpool soccer fan, you'll know that they have a persecution complex,
it's a team in decline, filled with racists, a lot like the city itself. I guess this is what you get for a city which built its mercantile strength on slavery, any city which has struggled since abolition is going to end up like this. Other than sports people and awful entertainers for the mentally sub-normal (Cylla Black) the only famous people from Liverpool have been the Beatles, and even they decided to cut their teeth in post-war Germany than stick in Liverpool. They couldn't wait to get to the US either.

Rating: Unbelievable accent, a worse night out than Bristol, the town itself is strangely deserted. To be avoided. A shithole.

You Zoos, You Lose*

As the title suggests, I love zoos, and I've been to a lot of them. Well, I like seeing animals while I'm there, but I don't like thinking that the best way for them to still exist on this planet is for us to put them in cages or designated game reserves, that's a little depressing. Seeing apes, big cats, bears, or anything else in a cage, bored, is depressing, and learning that they are all endangered because we as a species can't stop killing things is pretty bad too... Ok, let's just say I like looking at animals, and other than a horse and some pigs near my house, I can't really see any (actually, there are loads of seals nearby too) - but I meant exotic animals. Jeez. That was exhausting, have a list of the best zoos I have been to (plus an aquarium).

N.B. The following are photos taken by me, and are of the most interesting things I could find which didn't have people in them (no matter how much you want to see me looking at a three foot grasshopper model in Austria, it ain't going up here - animals only).

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5. Osaka Aquarium Osaka Aquarium Kaiyukan

The aquarium was great, and I really enjoyed being able to see over everyone's heads to get a good view  (this is less a 'Japanese-people-are-small' stereotype, instead it is more an indication that I was there when a lot of school children were too.) As an aquarium it's incredible, it's in a huge area, and it had some great stuff inside the massive tanks. As well as your more usual types of sharks, fish, and jellyfish there were more interesting things like Japanese Spider Crabs, Manta Rays, and a whale shark.

this sun-fish was enormous, but a note said that it was to be re-released into an unsuspecting sea. 

Japanese Spider Crab: the looks of a spider, the convenience of a crab

Whale Shark, or 'King of the Fish' in a mind-bogglingly large enclosure

There was also a Japanese rainforest bit, which had some great animals in it, the best being the Giant Salamander, but because of the humidity, I couldn't take pictures. Although there were large bits which had animals instead of fish and other marine animals, this loses marks by not being technically a zoo (which is a harsh but fair distinction).

 For example, penguins!

On a tangent: there's also a friggin' huge ferris wheel next to the aquarium, which I went on and nearly froze to death. I just looked that Ferris Wheel up, and was surprised to learn that it was part of an arms race for countries to own the tallest ferris wheel in the world. For a time this one in Osaka was the world's tallest, then one in Tokyo, then the London Eye, then a Chinese one. A Singaporean abomination is currently the tallest in the world. It is 54 stories high, and can hold nearly 800 people! When will it end?

Shall I give a rating? Who are you to stop me?

Rating: 3 1/2 Caged Animals (out of five)

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4. Taronga Zoo, Sydney http://taronga.org.au/taronga-zoo

 I grew up in Sydney, and this zoo has gone from being pretty grim, but in a nice setting, to being a pretty damn good zoo. Before, the animals enclosures were tiny and allowed you to see only the animals, and focused more on Australian-only animals. These native animals are still there, but there has been a reach into the wider world since then. Anyway, I have only been as recently as 2006, when there was still a lot of work going on (the famous white tiger cubs weren't there yet, and the elephants were still in a pretty grim cage enclosure, and the tropical rainforest thing was still being made - all of this is now different). By all accounts it's better now, but even then it had some good stuff, such as the walkabout; and a great thing on lizards and snakes.

That distant blob in that tree is a koala: This was taken in 2006 on a camera worse than the one on my phone now!

Now that's a dragon. It looks fake, until it mauls you.

Also, the setting is great, and there is a cable car which takes you from the bottom of the hill to the top if you get the ferry there, I would always look down and see crocodiles. I would love to see it now it's a bit more finished. But I probably never will...

This was electrified fence, such is the might of the rhino!

It's in a great location (see background) but I think zebras and giraffes don't particularly like each other, it looks clique-y.

On a tangent: Let's ignore the fact that as an eight year old, my friends family and I watched a monkey masturbate to a cheering crowd. Or that here an emu stole my shoelace, thinking it was a worm (I suppose). On my most recent visit, I was looking at gorillas, and outside that is an illustration showing how our evolution and theirs have diverged. Of course, most of our past is the same, and only more recently have major diversions occurred. Next to this, an American couple were debating whether it was appropriate to have information on evolution in a family zoo (I remember thinking 'as opposed to an adult zoo?'). The woman said "I don't know, I'm yet to make up my mind" about evolution, while the man said "I'm still undecided" they both agreed it should be taken down. They had at least 7 kids rampaging around.

Rating: 3 1/2 Caged animals

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3. Edinburgh Zoo http://www.edinburghzoo.org.uk/

Another zoo I have been to as both a child and as an adult is Edinburgh. It has changed since then in both good and bad ways. To illustrate, in an effort to conserve more animals world wide, there is a move away from every zoo having  the 'glamorous' animals; while Edinburgh now has a great range of big cats, in nice enclosures, there is no longer a gorilla enclosure, and the elephants are gone. There are now Pandas, mountain hyrax, and red mountain hogs. The most famous thing of the zoo, at least until those fame-hungry bamboo-gobblers arrived, was the penguin walk, where the penguins are given the option to have a stroll, look at the people, and go back to their large, penguin-filled enclosure.

Pretty close, huh?

Proud of this picture, he was going f-f-fast.

Also, I have a huge soft spot for both the cassowary and the pygmy hippo, and these two come close to sharing a cage. The Badongo Trail, for chimps, is the largest in Europe, and they seem to be having a great time eating, sleeping, and sticking their fingers in each others red asses. There are loads of other great animals, the tapir is lovely, and a keeper explained that the rhinos are adolescent males, and therefore insane. Obviously, the pandas are good (but not good enough to get a clear photo of).

Another creature which looks fake, but which I would gladly have as a pet.

Rhino being fed, he also has some blood under his horn from where he and his brother / mate were fighting. I watched them being fed, this one ate boiled eggs and cabbage (seriously). 

On a tangent: on my vision there during the Edinburgh Festival , there was a novelty exhibit of 'Homo Sapiens' in one of the enclosures: a variety of people, in different coloured jumpsuits.
The one in red, a Chinese guy who stared at everyone who came in, was frightening until I saw him nipping off for a cigarette and a pee. there were at least three others, but the one which concerned me was the woman in blue, huddled in the corner like an abused cousin.

I 'otter' put up another picture...

A good zoo, with good bits, but some explained omissions, and a few of the cages are still a bit run down:

Rating: 4 Caged Animals.

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2. San Diego Zoo http://www.sandiegozoo.org/

I went there in the year 2000, which is comfortably before we got a digital camera: this means there are no pictures, so I'll 'remember' and then 'tell.'

There were pandas, elephants, gorillas, chimps, and big cats (the big cats were being moved into better environments when we were there, it was a little small for them when we were there). There was a hippo enclosure where you could watch the hippos from above, or peer through a window to see the murky water where they spray their muck for territory (you don't see that in Dumbo, do you?).

The place was colossal, and even going in one of those dorky zoo-train buses around the place, and in a cable car over it, we still only saw a fraction of the stuff that was there. There was also, included in the ticket admission to sea land, which was an aquarium, but we didn't even get around to it. They also had howler monkeys, who you could hear pretty much all around the zoo, they inflate their neck sacks with air, and then unleash pure noise for ages. The whole thing reminded me of bagpipes, but they were so noisy you couldn't help but feel sorry for the other animals who had to listen to them.

This zoo was great, and we drove there from Los Angeles with a guided tourbus. The guide who drove us was a very camp failed actor, who gossiped non-stop about which actors were and weren't gay (Keanu REeves = gay!). He was a joy. Anyway, sorry about the lack of pictures, but it was in the age before digital cameras.

On a tangent: Hardly anybody goes to America without complaining of fat people. Our fondest memories from Disneyworld were the 'maximum weight limit 350lbs' signs in front of most rides. At this zoo, a fat kid walked behind us as we ate churros (which are like a crinkled, super-sweet donut, but straight) and saying "Oh god, I would eat a churro, I would eat one right now!" as he looked at us. We walked away, and he toddled after us saying "I would eat a giant churro, I would even eat bits that people broke off their own churros to give to me." We just watched him and went to look at the chimps.

Rating: 4 1/2 Caged Animals 

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1. Vienna Zoo http://www.zoovienna.at/en/

I didn't enjoy Vienna on the whole. I went during the soccer tournament in 2008 (which I didn't even know was on!) and found the main central square covered in soccer stuff, and filled with things to keep soccer fans happy (shiny things mainly.) The city itself was filled with morons in coloured shirts, and English people challenging people to fights, despite the fact that England didn't qualify. Austrian people themselves were generally unhelpful, but I'm willing to concede that that was down to having half of Europe crammed into their country. Interestingly, we were there when the whole 'Josef Fritzl' thing was really taking off, but I digress. There were some good things, such as the food, the enormous steins of beer, and the zoo, which is large but still takes up only a small part of an enormous grounds to some palace.

This place had its own zoo in the grounds. Damn rich Austrians.

We weren't expecting a great deal (the map is to scale, and makes the zoo look like a quarter of the gardens, little did we know the gardens were the size of a large town). We were pleasantly surprised by the animals there (there was pretty much everything 'glamorous' you can think of: elephants, pandas, polar bears, big cats), and the cages were good.

A tortoise, or 'land seaturtle'

A rhino takes a dip.

There was also a good rainforest thing which was like a greenhouse, where you could go and hang with fruitbats, hanging upside down just near you. This zoo had the best variety of animals I've seen in any zoo, and generally the animals were given respectful cages. I was also surprised by how cheap it was too. Highly recommended (even if you have to go to Vienna to get there).

Giant anteaters look like fountain pens come to life. They kick ass.

Either a panda or a bloke in a panda suit. Same thing.

On a tangent: more animal related than the ones before, but there were two islands created, one had gibbons on it, the other had lemurs: they were surrounded by moats, but could still reach each other when they threw things at each other. I watched this for ages. Nearby, in one of the greenhouse type enclosures you can walk around, there was a three-toed sloth hanging wild above our heads, snoring contentedly; I considered taking photos, but didn't want a sloth dropping on my head.

Well, I didn't take this.

Rating: Five Caged animals!

In conclusion: I could also mention Singapore aquarium, which had a dugong if I remember correctly, and Sydney aquarium, which had just about everything and was a great GREAT place to go to when high, because of the large amounts of really colourful fish there (or so i'm told), but I didn't want two Sydney things in; I think I've also been to London, Bristol, Hamerton, Wellington zoos, but they don't make the cut.

Furthermore, I'm well aware that listing five different zoos on four different continents is at best, pretentious, at worst, positive asshole behaviour, but fell free to let me know anyway.

* - As a hilarious 'joke' - I originally entitled this piece 'Zoophilia' a mild pun on the term Zoophilia (a person who loves zoos) and Zoophilia (the person sexually attracted to animals) - After an unwanted couple of emails from some of the second group, I've changed it to the title it has now. The important thing is, I'm learning valuable life lessons all over the place. 

In Praise Of: Mad Max 2

The feature is as follows: To balance all of the homosexual talk and negative gossip in the rest of this blog in this wackily named feature 'In Praise Of' - I sing the praises of something which I think is underrated, or which is praised, but not enough. Today's thing, which is heralded as good, but is even better than that, is: 

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior.

[Source] incidentally, the dog is a Blue Heeler, a fine and noble beast. 

  I'm not really gonna go through the plot, because if you don't know it, you should watch it, and if you have watched it, you'll know the plot. This is a very Australian take on the Western, a grim, high-octane action movie: effectively a Western on Wheels. Roger Ebert has said that it is "a film of pure action, of kinetic energy" and "one of the most relentlessly aggressive movies ever made." While Ebert points out that the movie does not develop its "...vision of a violent future world... with characters and dialogue" I argue that doing so would ruin the illusion: the fact that nobody knows what is going in is surely reflective of a world where communication and technology have broken down. It is therefore better to leave it to suggestion. some things are unexplained, such as why only a few guns work, the rest of the weaponry being based on arrows or fire. I also argue that Mad Max 2 might be the most subversive movie to ever make the mainstream. It suggests that the decline of society and law and order in Mad Max has conpletely brkoen down by the time of the sequel. All that is left now are marauders, scavengers, or those huddled together for safety.

  The movie contains one of the very weirdest and most frightening of movie bad guys, the Lord Humongous. A nearly naked muscular giant with a hockey mask covering his presumably scarred face, his exposed scalp covered in burns. He speaks in a strangely calming, measured Germanic accent through a microphone, using psychological warfare to coax out the group huddled in the petrol compound. He offers words of peace and mutual compromise, but to leave would mean their almost certain deaths. His measured speeches suggest a sense of decency and intelligence, but their actual meaning is hinted at when he is stunning his henchman, "we do it my way...then we have our revenge." No one doubts when he is scorned for the last time, that he will do all in his power to ensure that "nobody gets out of here alive." He is ludicrous and yet believable, in a world where the strong survive, he leads the strong. His decision to avoid getting himself and his allies flame throwered when besieging the base also suggests a calm thinking under pressure. He is, at once a leader you can rely on, and be terrified of.

He's a big guy all right, with a gun, a hockey mask, and with two corpses on the front of his vehicle. Who could say no to that?

  However, what is more interesting is the Humongous' dog of war, Wez, a man with a mohawk, American football armour, and leather chaps with the buttocks exposed showing. Although  he is a threat throughout the movie, he only really turns psychotic when his gay lover is killed, his howl of anguish evidence of a deep and forbidden love. His lover, described as the 'golden youth' in the end credits, was by Wez's side, silent and as pliant as a puppy until his brutal death. Look at the satisfaction on Wez's face when he blows up Max's car, his vengeance nearly complete. The scene at the film's conclusion, where Wez springs up from the bonnet of the truck, has made it into popular culture. For example, it is featured in, 'Beyond Blunderdome', that Simpsons episode with pre-crazy Mel Gibson). Despite the exigencies of the world meaning that, as the Humungous says "we all lost someone we love," it seems that the main reason for Wez's ferocity is to gain vengeance on those who killed his lover.

[source] Wez with his whipping boy/catamite, the Golden Youth

The whole movie is underpinned not just by tight action sequences, impressive set-pieces and fearful, desperate conversations in the camp itself, but a very Australian brand of humour. The scene where the Gyro Captain is the prisoner of Max's dog; the delighted laughter which peels around the gang when Toady's fingers are chopped off; or the scene where Max driving by blows over a tent to expose a couple having sex, all provide much needed dark comic relief. Similarly, the tension of the rape scene, shown at a distance, through snatched  binocular vision, is juxtaposed with the novelty value of the Sky captain's 2-meter-long telescope.

[source] The Gyro Captain and Dog (in scarf)

  The two new heroes to the camp, Max and the Gyro Captain, show two different ways to survive. While the Gyro Captain can use his vehicle to literally distance himself from the rest, the stress of this modern world mean that his sanity is a distant memory.

For example, he is able to watch from above and offer aid when Max most needs it (Max is in the truck.)

Meanwhile, Max must suppress all emotion to best scavenge a meagre survival. Initially motivated by greed and petrol, his old instincts as a law enforcer kick in, and he helps to protect the community. His relationship with the feral child, who travels with him on the final battle, helps him to rekindle his idea of the brighter side of humanity. It is noticeable though, that of the two 'sexually available' females, the Sky Captain immediately chooses one, while Max turns his back on the Amazonian warrior woman (for the record, I wouldn't have, danger lovers are GREAT!)

[source] The Warrior woman, with her expensive but cheap-looking clothes, messy hair, and incomprehensible voice, is seen here pre-empting upper-class English student fashion circa 2008-11

  It is an aggressive and largely bleak movie. There is a quite suggestive rape and murder of someone from the compound, and the threat of starvation or murder permeates the camp, informing the community's decision to leave. They are safe, but not for long, and the theme of time is often evoked throught the movie. For example, the leader of the community, Papagello, plays with a sand timer when he volunteers to drive the tanker; he knows that the success of the group depends on him sacrificing his life: for him, time is running out. Other scenes of brutality include when Max's loyal dog is executed; Max himself narrowly avoids a similar fate when his booby-trapped car kills his would-be executioner. Resultantly, he fights the final battle injured, and goes out of his way to protect the feral kid. Wonderfully, the final battle is lost, there are still plenty of bad guys left, they just give up when they realise that there is no gas in the truck. Instead it has been an elaborate trap to prevent them from killing the rest of the group. The conclusion suggests that Max escapes, he did after all make the forgettable Beyond Thunderdome after this, but it does end on a downer. It is very definitely not a Hollywood movie.

[source] There have also been accusations of homo-eroticism. These accusations are hard to deny. 

 Despite this, the movie has reached into popular culture. See for example, that fact that Martin Crane on the show Frasier calls his winnebago the Road Warrior, with the unhelpful registration of 'RDWRR;' or the continued use of images from South Park, to illustrate Stan has a poster of 'Street Warrior' on his wall, and two of the boys are chased by the heavily armed truck from the films conclusion when they upset Mel Gibson. Also, the Frankie Goes To Hollywood song 'Two Tribes,' now a homosexual anthem, is said to be based on the conflict in the movie, while further evidence can be seen on this page.

[source] This is the Ghanian poster of the movie. I don't know what those guys are on.

In conclusion:
This is a movie which in its own way, offers a potentially prophetic view of the future shorn of gas, shorn of sexual, political and economic more, where gas is the king. The movie provides some of the sickest and slickest action of any movie, and is tightly scripted. The heroes and villains are often shades of grey, and the whole thing is surprisingly cerebral for something with such a straightforward plot. Mel Gibson has described the whole Mad Max trilogy as 'youthful trash' - but then look at him now. I genuinely believe that this, alongside the Godfather part 2, and Drunken Master 2, are the best sequels of all time.

On a personal note, I like how there are camels in a pen surrounding the compound, which are never mentioned, and I also like that the feral kid is now running a jewellery store in Sydney, at least according to rumour. I have seen a youtube mashup which suggests that Americans travel to Australia to watch the carnage, suggesting that only Australia descended into chaos, while the rest of the world thrives, however I can't find that anywhere.

[Source] Though his adult self may work as a jeweller, you can still see hundreds of him as a youth if you go to Wakefield, Liverpool, or Dundee.  

Ok, some more pictures to put up:

Wez flips out with when his pet catamite dies.

Wez and Humongous wrestle their differences away.

New Commandments for the 21st Century.

The following are Commandments for Atheists, Humanists, or just people too busy to obey the old Ten Commandments. If you live your life by these standards, you'll be all right!

1. Don't be an arsehole. Seriously, if you wouldn't like someone doing that around or to you, don't do it yourself.

2. Be nice to animals. You can still eat them, just don't be a dick about it, and treat them with respect.

3. If you have a religion, fine. Every religion essentially encourages social cohesion. If you don't like something else that someone else is doing, or you disagree with another religion: take a look at yourself. It's not your religions fault. Keep it to yourself.

4. Ignore anyone who is famous for just being famous, their opinions are invalid and should be ignored as best as possible.

5. Don't get offended. Being easily offended is stupid, and suggests that you can't handle people with varying views. Not everyone has to agree with you to be right. You're wrong there.

6. Tweeting will only last another year or so as a mainstream tool. Until it goes away, try to ignore it. If you can't ignore it, drink every time you hear a John Snow saying, "if you want to contribute to tonight's show, or comment on tonight's news, tweet me at..."

Come to think of it, we only need the first sentence of number one, but the rest are good guidelines.
Rock on till the break of dawn.

Electric Ode 2: Zen Vision M

Welcome to the second part of this electronic ode feature: today's review is the Zen Vision M (30GB). I've had this since 2006, which is nearing 6 year. It was given to me by the insurance company after a Vietnamese taxi driver mugged me, but that's another story. Since then, it has been dropped, kicked around, had liquid spilt on it, travelled to at least 12 countries, had all its information wiped, both deliberately and accidentally, but it remains reliable and durable: I still love it.

A sleek and seductive beast, no? (Click for source)

The sound is excellent, and because it isn't an Apple, you can use .wma files instead of .mp3 (I tried to convince myself I wasn't a nerd earlier). The result is twice as many songs as an apple iPod, at similar quality. The sound quality is great, and the music comes with lots of personal options. For example, there is an 'album of the day' feature, which chooses an album at random. However, the only real downfall is the fact  that it seems to go through a cycle of the same ten or so albums, no matter how many you have.

The video screen is great. I remember thinking, 'Wow! Now I can watch soft-core porn on the bus' when I first got it. The screen is about two inches square, and has a good resolution, which means you can watch 'The Apartment' (1960) and several episodes of Samurai Jack on a screen the size of a testicle. You can also use it to store photographs,  Generally, the picture is very impressive, and even half a dozen years on it still looks great as a media player. When it came out, it was the boss, especially as it was the replacement for the Zen Micro, which was good, but not great. The video quality is still fine, as this wonderful screen grab shows.

Christ knows what the people I got this picture were doing videoing Snow White at Disneyland, but I'm sure God will forgive them in time (Click for source).

Alongside the video and sound quality, there is a great level of personalisation available: you can change the font, settings and background, to an amazing degree; my background is of a dog of a mate's which I used to walk, and has been for five years now. There are some drawbacks, however. For example, when I first got it , it had the habit of freezing and needing to be reset, the only way to do that was to put a pin (or earring from a mate) into one of those reset holes, and allow it time to reset. However, that seems to have passed.
Other than that, the battery life is great, and I use a protector to stop the screen getting damaged, the result is, after all this time, the screen still has the original film on it. Who says there are no more heroes?

 Rating:
Sound: 4.5/5
Pictures: 5/5
durability: 5/5
Battery life: 4/5
Size: 3/4
Sentimental value: 5/5

In conclusion, I wish that all electronic gadgets were as impressive. It's outlasted an almost 5 year relationship, and a number of others, and still takes pride of place whenever I head outside. I will have a real 'Ol' Yeller' moment when I have to get rid of this slick beast. I have met a few people who also have it, and they seem to be as smitten as I (although not as smug as people with apple things).

TV Show ideas

TV in Britain is filled with gems, but with so many channels to choose from, it's getting harder and harder to find good stuff. Here are six ideas to improve the entertainment available to the British public.

Dancing In The Dark: As its name suggests, a cross between Dating in the Dark (where superficial, shallow people meet and try to date in the dark, before the lights come on and the good looking ones choose the other good looking ones), and Dancing on Ice / Dancing with the stars (where people dance and are judged). If you were to combine the two, you'd really have a show on your hands. Gasp! As we use infra-red to watch a couple bump into a table. Laugh! as we hear a chubby newscaster fall and squash the skinny Romanian dance partner he was assigned! Cheer! as it becomes a ratings hit. [Radio version also available].

Potential Screen Shot: Tell me that wouldn't be great TV.

Biggest loser (extreme version): An new twist on a classic idea (if it ain't broke, don't fix it!) - get the usual group of chubbers who inhabit the Biggest loser, give them a chance to lose weight, but if they don't, have them killed, rendered, and sold to Japanese whalers for them to do 'scientific' research on. Also, no sob-stories, if any of these fat people cry, they are killed instantly, this segment could be called 'if you blubber, you become blubber.'

Porno Island: Basically an extended version of 'Castaway', a show about posh kids chosen to be stranded on an island while they show off, gossip, argue and flirt. The only difference being, that instead of the night time breaks the show currently has, the cameras never stop rolling, so we get the pleasure of watching horrible 19 year old tosspots have full penetrative intercourse, and screeching, apologetic orgasms live on TV. Hearing a guy called Jake shout 'Crumbs' on climax should be enough to start a revolution to abolish the landed gentry. Also, tell me E4's ratings wouldn't go up when that was on. Sponsored by 'The Masturbator's Alliance'


Garden Wars: A BBQ in Reading has gone wrong, and two angry BBQ Dads wish violence on each other. After copious amounts of booze, they decide to settle their differences, not with words, but with weapons found in the shed. Who will get the hoe? Who will get the rake? Will there be a fly-mo drive by? Tune in next episode, there's no 'No trowel and error' here, it's a fight to the death, or at least loss of limbs. Hosted by Alan Titchmarsh.

Davina loses money: The Million Pound Drop Live, hosted by Davina Mccall, is, for those not familiar, a gameshow where a couple (almost always comprised of two stupid people), answer a series of questions, to keep the million pounds they are given. They can hedge their bets, but any money put on the wrong answer is lost. If they have any money left after answering 7 (I think) questions correctly, they get to keep what is left. I think that someone has won £250,000, but I've only ever seen a couple win £50,000. Anyway, to make this more interesting, instead of Davina standing by the side, offering useless advice, and still getting paid, she should put up the money herself. There would be a genuine sense of puzzlement to her face, and joy on mine, as she lost another £800,000 to a stupid couple from Stevenage.

'Fearne Cotton and Terry Wogan 'R' Executed': An easy one to explain, Fearne and Terry host a show, but they are informed that whenever one of them makes a certain comment, they will be killed by trained marksmen. For example, Fearne is told not describe the latest marginally talented boy-band she is introducing as "wicked", or she is killed; Terry is told to keep a comment less than a minute long, and not mention either how handsome he is, or how much he loves JLS, or he dies. The show would last less than thirty seconds.

Chris Moyle's 15th TV show: Because 'Live with Chris Moyles,' The 'Chris Moyles Show,' 'The Villa,' Those episodes of 'Big Brother's Big Mouth,' 'The Chris Moyles Quiz Night' all failing is apparently not enough for producers to realise that he is fat and talentless, why not give him another show? [N.B. as I looked this up, I have discovered that his quiz show is now on it's fifth series, and he has been given a new show co-hosted with Stacey Solomon, a well known illiterate. The show is a dating show called the Love Machine - It is for reasons like this that prove that if there is a God, he has abandoned the planet earth].

Non Samurai Guy 1: High and Low

OK, I'll admit it, I've graduated from being a film buff to being a nerd. The distinction, other than the whole nerdy blog you're reading, is that a film buff has seen some Kurosawa movies; a nerd has seen non-samurai ones. Since seeing Seven Samurai at about age 16/7, I watched all of the Samurai ones first (even 'Kagemusha', which isn't great) and have been a little obsessed ever since. However, Kurosawa also directed some great non-Samurai movies (though not great from the point of view of women, it's pretty clear that he was a misogynist, but which great director isn't?). The following are reviews of the non-samurai movies I have seen. There will be spoilers, but if plot tips to 60 year old movies offend you, I think you need to take a breather. First up is 'High and Low'.

Another of those interesting Japanese promotion posters [source]

High and Low (1963) - The reason I made this feature (as well as loneliness), is a terrific movie in its own right. A business executive Gondo ( Toshiro Mifune) is in the middle of a Machiavellian deal to gain control of his company (National Shoe, pronounced 'nashional shu'). However, his plans are scuppered when he is informed that his child has been kidnapped. His initial decision, to save the child at all costs, is compromised when his own child walks through the door: it was the boy's friend who was kidnapped, the son of the lowly chauffeur. The amount will bankrupt him, and prevent his takeover of the company. Will he still pay the ransom when it is not his child? Which is more important, his livelihood, or his humanity? The decision takes most of the first half of the movie.

An intense, nearly unrecognisable Toshire Mifune, cultivating a shoe fetish [source]

  This first half is filmed primarily in the Gondo family's living room. A successful show manufacturer, he can afford to live in a fancy palace on a hill above one of the the teeming slums of the city. The high of the title could reflect the Gondo's position in the higher echelons of Japanese society, as well as the more literal, geographical high of the hilltop house. The first half of the movie has very few characters. Other than some rival executives, there is only Gondo, his wife, his lackey (A Japanese Smithers), the chauffeur, the two children (before one is kidnapped), and then the crew of police brought in to solve the crime. The character asks for enough to bankrupt Mifune, skuppering his plans for overthrow of the company. The characters come and go, but the movie centres on darkened front room, the characters fanning themselves to stay cool in a heat wave, tensely waiting for the telephone to ring. The police sleep there, and when the kidnapper calls, they huddle around the phone like wild animals. Characters pace the room, which is kept dark and shaded both to keep cool and to hide the fact from the kidnapper that the police are there. This first half of the movie, taking place in mostly a single room mostly, and with little action, would also work well as a play.

Gondo with his wife, and his lackey (to the left) talk to the kidnapper. [source]

A middle section covers the recovery of the boy and the handover of the ransom, most of which takes place on a busy Tokyo train. The setting of the train is equally claustrophobic, and suggests for the first time that Gondo is more than a mere cold-hearted businessman. The police, already beginning to respect him in his house, now refer to him as a fine man for his bravery and decisive action. A frantic scene, where Gondo crams cash-filled suitcases out of the train's windows, at the same time that the police officers desperately try to video the kidnappers accomplices, is a beautifully filmed scene.

The child recovered safely, the second half of the movie primarily follows the policework in recovering the money, and finding the kidnapper. It deals primarily with the police, and their dealings with people in the 'low' areas of society, deep in the valley below Gondo's house. The introduction of the kidnapper transforms him from being an unseen monster to something a little more understandable and sympathetic; simultaneously, Mifune's character is relegated to a secondary character for most of the second half, at least until the two meet at the film's conclusion.

This second half also has a moral problem at heart: namely, how far should the police go to prove guilt? The detectives must navigate their own moral conundrums. For example, the kidnapper, alongside the kidnap, has killed his co-conspirators, two wretched heroin addicts. However, the police team, headed by Tatsuya Nakadai  (the guy from Sanjuro and Harakiri), know that because of technicalities, they don't have enough evidence to have the kidnapper put in jail for any longer than 15 years. Instead, they decide to get enough evidence to have him exectued by the state, no matter what it takes.

To do this, they set to frame him into making the same actions as he has before, by forging letters from the now-dead addicts. They also must make a moral decision to misinform the press about this, so that the kidnapper believes that his accomplices are still alive. The lengthy following of the kidnapper, where he hunts down heroin, takes place in seedy bars, a ghetto, the dregs of society. At the end of a lengthy but engrossing scene, a pitiful junkie is left dead, mourned by no one, but now conclusive evidence of the kidnappers actions. The hunt, following the kidnapper as he scores heroine in a jazz bar, and tries out the heroine on the aformentioned junky, had been argued to go on too long, but I think adds a genuine sense of procedural detective work. The scene in the heroin addict filled alley, however, is unrealistic, as zombie-like creatures wait in silence for their death. However, the scene is both surreally filmed, and a little unsettling.

A 'highly believable' heroin alley, which is still pretty tense, despite being ridiculous [source]

Kurosawa has said that he made the kidnapper a little too sympathetic. However, I think that someone willing to kill, kidnap, and humiliate Gondo through the exorbitant ransom money, for the motive of jealousy, is not particularly sympathetic to me. Despite this, Gondo himself is not entirely sympathetic, his house juts above the sweltering valley, an ostentatious reminder of the barriers of Japanese hierarchy. Importantly, one of the police officers, scrabbling around the sweltering valley on a fruitless search for clues, looks up to the grand house, and mentions understanding as to why people would resent the Gondo house. At the film's conclusion, Gondo and the kidnapper meet in jail. Here, the kidnapper suggests that his life has been one of absolute misery and pity, and that he wants no sympathy before he is killed by the state. However, he is a medic student, learning to become a doctor, which suggests that he has climbed a little way up the social ladder already. A theme of wasted talent is evident throughout the movie.

Gondo and the kidnapper finally meet, both of them ruined from their experiences [source]

Alongside the police work and a very dignified, convincing performace as Gondo by Mifune, the whole movie is about compromise, both moral and physical. Mifune's character Gondo, struggles with his conscience, as he decides between saving his chauffeur's son, or keeping up his business status. Initially unsympathetic, he is eventually regarded by both the public and the police as an honourable man. It is a relief when we learn that he is back and shoe making his own (small) firm at the conclusion: this is a man of honour. This becomes especially clear when we see his fellow executives rejoice at his downfall, their positions safe, Gondo is fired from the company. Gondo's lackey is quick to cut himself a deal with them, leaving after ten loyal years to preserve his own status. Gondo is offered to keep his job to stop the negative publicity the firm is receiving, not from any sense of loyalty or fidelity to him. These actions show that Gondo's decision to keep his soul, rather than his fortune, was a brave one. The film's conclusion shows his house repossessed, which is at odds with the fact that the money had been recovered from the kidnapper. However, it is clear that he has made a great sacrifice and lost a lot throughout the movie. The police themselves are faced with moral problems, they must lie to the press, request press blackouts, and sacrifice a woman's life in order to ensure capitol punishment on the kidnapper. The result is a movie which is thought provoking and tense.

The police scope out the kidnapper, while the Japanese 1960s unfolds around them. [source]

The movie has many of the famous Kurosawa scenes, for example, the frantic scene on the train, leading to the recovery of the child, is rightly held as great. The scene where Gondo runs to hug the boy is genuinely touching. Furthermore, there are also the usual small touches which make a Kurosawa movie worth watching. To illustrate, the pure fear visible on the police officers face when the child goes missing for a second time near the accomplices villa is terrific. As is a small scene where Gondo lifts his own child to take him to bed, with a swift and effortless movement that leaves the kid looking a little terrified, dangling over his father's shoulder. Another great scene, which I have heard described as overlong, is the scene in the police station where a parade of detectives show the rest of the group their findings, all the while fanning and mopping up their sweating brows: it's amusing, and entertaining, and if you think it's overlong, you're as stupid as you are pretty. Most obviously, the scene with pink smoke was a pleasant surprise in a black-and-white movie.

 Also interesting to me were the use of Gondo's wife and child in the first part of the movie. Although Gondo's wife is  far from the main character, she is sympathetic and seems to have influence over both her husband and his lackey. This is interesting in comparison to, for example, the unsympathetic wives in his Shakespeare adaptations 'Ran' and 'Throne of Blood,' or the meek, token love interests of 'Drunken  Angel.' Importantly, it was her dowry which allowed Gondo to start the road to success in the first place.

'The Road to Success,' and to Gondo's house. [source]

From a cultural perspective, I think that it's interesting that the the kidnapper gets his heroin from a Philippino girl in a Jazz club. The 'gear' is passed over during a dance to a frantic song, (which brings to mind the debauched dancing in 'Drunken Angel'). The Jazz itself, and the majority of people in the club, are Americans, including a huge black guy, dancing up a storm (possibly the only black guy in a post-war Kurosawa movie). Is this a condemnation of the decadence of Western culture in Japan? Or merely a reflection of the source material, taken from Ed McBain's '87th Precinct' series?

On a lighter note, one of the police officers under-cover in the jazz bar, is made to wear a Hawaiian shirt which he has tied the bottom around the waist, exposing his chest. I found it interesting that there was ever a time when that would not be considered at least camp. Nonsense aside, this is a wonderful work, and one with material which would require only minor changes to be remade today, but which definitely shouldn't be.

Rating: Highly Recommended, obviously