New Tim Burton ideas.

I love Tim Burton. I think that anyone with that world view is a real rebel, he knows how to push the envelope. here he is walking his mad aunt around with some friends.

[source] says that they all spent new year at Chequers. He's a real rebel.

Oh wait, that's not a mad auntie, that's Burton's wife, the heiress Helena Bonham Carter! Those aren't friends, that's David Cameron, a man who overcame an Eton education to become Prime Minister, and that's Cameron's idiot, multi-millionaire wife. She's got a tattoo don't you know! Tim Burton hasn't made a good movie since Edward Scissorhands (though Ed Wood was fine), and now he's doing remakes because he's run out of ideas. He's already ruined Planet of The Apes, and made a stupid, unnecessary version of charlie and the chocolate factory, but what's next?

1. Dog Day Afternoon
This movie was a counter cultural classic where Al Pacino and his mate rob a bank to fund Al's boyfriends sex change. Their robbery turns into a siege, the man is challenged, and it all ends in a thrilling and unpredictable climax. However, that is now getting a little stale, so it will be  remade for the modern era. Let's all go and see Tim Burton's Dog Day Afternoon, starring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham-Carter. Together, they rob a bank to pay for weird debt they got from a gypsy woman. They succeed.

2. Snow White And The 7 Dwarves
A beautiful girl (though one played by Helena Bonham-Carter) tries to escape being murdered by a wicked witch. After a spell in hiding in the forest, she chances upon an empty house. It turns out that a a baker's half dozen of mining midgets live there (all are played by Johnny Depp. One is Scottish, one is angry, and one just can't stop sneezing. Will Snow White return to her town to be murdered? Will she find a way to get back at the wicked witch? Will Sneezy stop SNEEZING? view it in 3D to find out.

3. Dumbo
Finally,  a live action version of a classic. Follow a young, carefree Elephant (Jonny Depp in a latex suit) - after he is seperated from his mother, after she protects him from those yokels who attack him. How will this naive young elephant, with a heart as big as his ears, return to the loving trunk of his mother (played by, you guessed it, Helena Bonham-Carter). Joining a crowd of clowns, our elephant friend takes some advice from some still-racist crows (all played by the same midget who played the oompa-loompahs in charlie and the Chocolate Factory). From there, he learns to fly above their insults and live in his own weird and wonderful world.

4. The Godfather 
I can't be bothered doing this one properly, but I can imagine Jonny Depp as Michael, and Helena Bonham-Carter as Kaye, going it on their own, and turning their backs on the family business to sell wishes or some such nonsense.

5. Citizen Kane
Filmed in 3D stop-motion. Follow James Kane (Depp) as he moves from his humble origins to become the Prime Minister of Looneyland. With a little advice from Rosebud, the talking sled (voiced by Helena Bonham-Carter), and featuring family friendly sing-alongs, it's a story you KANE't afford to miss. 

P.S. This came about after watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for the first time today. Pretty lame. Hope you're all having a fuckin' great weekend.