The Truth, at last

OK, let's not take this too seriously, it's the truth behind things which you are told growing up:

1. You Don't Need Money to Make You Happy. 
No. You do.

2. If You Study Hard At School, You'll Set Yourself Up For Life:
No, you'll be a burned out graduate working for a faceless giant corporation. The best way to succeed in life is to run your family business. Those who are born privileged die privileged. Easy.

3. Cheaters Never Prosper: 
Wrong, they always do (See #2). The saying 'fortune favours the bold' means you should cheat to succeed.

4. The Way to a Woman's Heart is by Having A Sense of Humour. If You Can Make a Woman Laugh, then You've Got Her For Life: 
I admit that this is rather obscure advice, but I've heard people of both genders say it. It's a lie. Who would a girl rather go for, a goofy-looking but amusing you, or a humourless, rich handsome person? If it comes down to a straight race between muscles and comedy, it's the bench-presser who wins.

5. Blood is Thicker Than Water:
Meaning that family is more important than friends. It's wrong, look after your friends, and if you want, make your family your friends.

6. Treat 'em Mean, Keep 'em Keen:
This is advice given to both sexes over dating. It's wrong, the true saying should be 'Treat 'em mean, alienate yourself from all human contact until you die a lonely and withered husk of a man.'

7. If you Respect Yourself, you'll feel better than if you sleep around, take lots of drugs, and eat cake all day. 
Wrong again. These things are fun, and can be countered with 'if it feels good, do it.'