5 Greatest Named People I've Ever Met

I've met a lot of people, the vast majority have been boring people with boring names. Others are boring but have awesome names, though that's usually the choice of their parents. An old girlfriend of mine's brother went to school with twins called Lancelot and Merlin. He was a younger brother, and this was ages ago, so they would be around 20 now. I really hope that they hate their parents because of it. The following five people are friends and acquaintances who have names which are interesting, but which I wouldn't want in place of my own name, Pascal. For the sake of closure, people I know who have cool names which I would happily have in place of my own include: Tesfaye Gebrahemadin, Ramachandran Padmanabhan, and Michael Quest.

5. Miaow Jones 
This girl I met in Australia. Being called 'Miaow' is a weird in itself, but this is made even weirder by the fact that her name rhymes with DOW Jones. She was from China originally, and took so many drugs that she looked double her age. She was thin, and wore see-through shirts, so that you could her weirdly elongated nipples at all times. I don't know how she didn't get arrested more. Also, she used to hit constantly on my then-girlfriend, trying to make out with her, and offering her drugs as regular people would offer chewing gum. She was as weird as her name was. One of those people I would be interested in finding out what she is doing now.

4. Cleverly Fong
A girl from Hong Kong who went to school in the U.K. when I was there. I don't think I ever spoke to her in my entire four year schooling, but it was Britain, so at least half of my year were so shy they were effectively mute. I like the juxtaposition of Cleverly and Fong. It's an interesting name, but made a million times more interesting when she started going out with Jack Clever (Pronounced Clee-ver). Had they married, she would have become Cleverly Clever. As nothing ever turns out well (at least for me), they broke up, and so she remains a respectable #4 on this list. 

3. Innocent Safari

A weird name on both counts, you can imagine people saying "cool name, bro" if he had either of those names. For example, being James Safari or Innocent Smith would still be cool names. As it was he had two great names. He was from Kenya, and didn't really talk much, but he seemed a nice guy (innocent, if you will). Probably the only really interesting thing about him was his name, which is interesting, how do you even have an innocent safari?

2. Murray Christmas

This guy was in school with me in New Zealand, and in a school filled with really weirdly named people, he was famous for having a weird name. Others to consider from that school: a 12 year old Maori called Moss Wainwright, a girl called Kirby, and a guy called Simian, complete with enormously long arms - it was a weird school. I never spoke to him, but could recognise him by the crowd of New Zealanders surrounding him to make fun of him. Now, he must have changed his name, or killed a whole bunch of people in revenge. I wouldn't be surprised if it was both. Still, poor bastard.

1. Dancin' Knightly

The weirdest name I've ever met in real life. I met him in a club in Edinburgh, he was of Indian origin (although he was Scottish), which makes me think that it that the " 'cin " bit of his name could be derived  from Singh. However, he showed me his driver's license, and swore blind that he hadn't changed his name by deed poll. He was a bit of a dick. For that, he goes to #1.

P.S. The inspiration for this is Norm Hiscock, a producer of the Excellent 'Parks and Recreation' (which is really worth checking out by the way) and whenever I read it I say his name out loud quickly. I'm also a fan of Cat Cubie, a pretty girl who reads the weather out on Scottish news.