Gere or Far #3: The Final Gere or Far?

Well, what a wild and wacky time we're having with the 'Gere or Far' series. The First One was met with near universal disdain by the 7 people who read it, and the second one was marginally less hated, but even less read. Both accused me of being a show-off, but I disagree, I'm just telling yaz about movies I like. So, to spite you, comes the third one. Also, after this, we'll have covered every movie I've seen in it which has Richard Gere, so the thing has effectively exhausted itself. 

1a. Days Of Heaven [1978] 

Richard Gere with his wife, who he explains is his sister. Why, we're not sure, but it leads to problems. [source]

Richard Gere is a farmhand and lover in a Malick movie. As with all Malick movies, it's either fine, evocative piece of art, or a pretentious load of old toss, which ignores plot coherence in favour of arty shots of nature, depending on your views. However, other than Richard Gere, I don't think anyone else in the movie ever did anything else. As the whole point of this feature (if there is a point) is to find links between people, we'll go instead to...

1b. Pretty Woman [1990]

A movie I'm not sure I would watch if I wasn't under duress. Chances are I watched it with a girlfriend, or possibly on a bus on some school trip. For me, Julia Roberts will always be that toothy one out of 'Mystic Pizza'. The story, as far as I remember is, Richard Gere is a successful business man who pays to have a prostitute with a heart of gold (Julia Roberts) move in with him, will they find love? or will he get stabbed by her pimp as she dies slowly of syphalis?

Here is Jason Alexander, Richard Gere, and Julia Roberts (playing a prostitute) at a fancy/hideous 1990 party [source]

She can't kiss him on the mouth, but other than I think they develop a genuine romance, but not before some bumps along the road. I have no recollection how it ends, but I'm sure some compromises are made in the name of true love. Anyway, as a seedy lawyer, we have Seinfelds George Costanza, Jason Alexander, who is also  in...

2. Shallow Hal [2001]

Here they are, crackin' wise [source]

Which is about a 'shallow' guy called 'Hal' (I've never met anyone called Hal in my life) who, after a bizarre incident, starts to see people physically by how beautiful their personalities are. I am a moderately handsome man, and would be moderately ugly in terms of personality. I'm evil, but doing my best to do good. Jason Alexander is an unlikely lothario, with a tail, and acts as sidekick to Hal, who is played by Jack Black who is in nearly every movie ever made, not least...

3. A Shark's Tale [2004] 

Seriously, who thought this shit would be a good idea? Weak [source]

An interesting one. I think it came out at the same time as 'Finding Nemo', and was a pretty mediocre fish movie. It has gangster sharks, Will smith as a fish, and Angelina Jolie as a fish-babe. Jack black plays a sensitive gangster shark who has dreams of becoming a dolphin. Hil-arious? I went to see this in Australia, and heard a guy in front of us say "Mate, that sounds like Jack Black, but Jack Black isn't a shark" and his mate went "must be some other guy then." They were being serious. Anyway, it's not a great movie, but I remember not being too angry with it, and it has some funny moments. One of the side characters, an elderly tiger shark, is played Peter Falk, a.k.a Columbo, who is also in...

4. The Princess Bride [1987]

This spells 'Princess Bride' upside-down too. Complaints were made that the cover was a spoiler. I think if you're buying a 20th anniversary edition, you shouldn't be worried about spoilers. [source]

 Another childhood classic, and one which is a little more violent (that death machine) than I remembered it as a kid. It's not as good either, but it hs a good giant, a great sword fight, and some funny bits (the poison drinking challenge is funny). Peter Falk (Columbo) narrates the whole thing to Fred Savage, his annoying, ill grandsome. Anyway, the princess is played by the particularly dreamy Robin Wright, who, it must be admitted, is still a good looking woman now, 25 years on. She is still in movies, most recently in that English remake of the 'Girl With The Dragon Tattoo'. She was also in another 'movie I sat through in awkward silence with someone who despised me despite being my girlfriend at the time' (feature coming soon?), which I watched on DVD...

5. The Pledge [2001]

Not a great poster, not a great movie. But he looks a little like Walter White in this [source]

Here Jack Nicholson is a cop, now retired, who has made a pledge to hunt down the person who abducted a child. He's an alcoholic, and there's a lot of grey areas as to who the killer is. We don't know who it was, and we grow increasingly tense as suspects, ever closer to home for Jack, come into focus. I've just seen that there are 7 alternative endings on the DVD, which suggests that they don't know who the killer was either. The beginning is interesting, but the ending is weak. In total, it is a missed opportunity, a promising movie with an incredibly disappointing ending.

Speaking of disappointing endings, there we have it with 'Gere or Far', probably forever. I can't imagine a situation where I am forced to see 'An Officer and a Gentleman,' or 'American Gigalo' - but it's not beyond all comprehension. Anyway, take care everyone.

Pascal.