Monday 30 April 2012

Shattered Illusions (Dreamgirl edition)

Nothing is worse than the misery you experience after relying on false hope. The following are the most significant bummers I have ever had, starting with an experience today which inspired this list (of three, so hardly a list at all.)

1. Today I had a meeting with a team from Glasgow. When we met them (there were three of us, and four of them) we were to take them to lunch. When we first met, the three of the others were there, and we were waiting for the fourth member of their team, who was catching a later train. We had settled down to an expensive but mediocre meal, and it was as pleasant as can be hoped for. Then, at the front of the restaurant a beautiful woman came and was pointed towards our table. She was gorgeous, and had it going on. She was an almost ideal specimen. I was imagining what our children would look like when she was introduced and asked me, in the thickest Glasweigan accent ever "yous arite 'n' tha'?" which shattered the dream. Dream denied.

2. Next one I can think of. I was going to see an opera in rural England where my parents used to live. It was fine (actually, it was dubbed into English which made it ridiculous), and everyone in the party found the lead female singer a bit of a dish. She was very pretty, and had a pleasingly quivery bosom whenever she sang. It was all right. Anyway, I went for a walk around the place at the interval, and caught her coming out of her trailer, smoking a cigarette, shrieking down the phone to someone to "shut the fuck up", over and over again. Dream denied? Possibly, but it didn't stop me enjoying the rest of the opera.

3. And finally, this, the biggest disappointment of all (in terms of dream girls - outside of love there's a lot of disappointment too, but you don't want to hear about that). I was in Paris meeting my brother, and it was Springtime. It was perfect, we were enjoying life, and I was wearing a new, very fashionable French shirt and feeling great. We stopped off for an ice cream in a cafe, and sat next to one of those extraordinarily beautiful French women you get. as my brother went off, I started talking, and had my dream shattered like a Chinese artifact in the cultural revolution (BAM!). Long story short, no matter how hot you are, you can't EVER get away with leaving a cigarette in your mouth while you eat cake and talk to me. The most significant bummer in my romantic life.

In conclusion. It's always the most beautiful dream girls who hurt you the most.

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