I've been living in the U.K. for a while, and I feel I understand the people more than most outsiders. However, there are still a million things which I don't understand. Here are ten:
1. Soccer. It's not fun to watch, and even less to hear about.
2. The radio: Millions listen to Radio 1, where the music is genuinely awful; Radio 4, which has news and spoken word programmes, and is hugely popular despite being on the whole, wilfully dull.
3. The Royal Family. They do nothing, cost a bomb and you are quite happy to fund them. I don't see how having an unelected head of state, which is inherited can be allowed in any country which aims to be truly democratic. (N.B. Having said that, it's almost as bad in Australia).
4. World War 2. Still gets brought up all the time, which is weird, because the exertions and expenditure allowed the demise of Britain as a truly leading global power.
5. Ambivalence towards the NHS. Coming from Australia, where I once let a broken hand go undiagnosed because I couldn't afford to get it seen to, I find it bewildering that the recent reforms have gone through as unopposed as they have. You should really be ashamed of yourselves.
6. Why does everyone watch awful singing shows: the Voice, Britain's got talent, the X Factor - all of them are viewed by millions and they're shit. Marginally talented people come out, wail histrionically, and are then applauded by a seemingly feral audience. I don't get it. Britain has such a strong musical history, The Beatles, the Stones, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin and any number of others. Why is Jesse J being listened to?
7. Domino's Pizza. I used to live with a couple of guys who would eat two or three domino's Pizzas a week. It remains popular all over the country. A regular sized pizza, delivered to your house, which tastes of salt and disappointment, costs more than a three course meal in a good restaurant. Awful. Also, why the hatred of vegetables. I get mocked for the amount of fruit and veg I eat, an old girlfriend said feeding me was like "looking after a chimp", though that may be because of my huge, protruding ass and need to fling faeces. Seriously though, it's why I'm tall.
8. Tea. Nowhere else on earth do the people get so happy and look forward so much to tea. for me, coffee is all I need.
9. Fake Tans. On guys and girls. They look awful, they can't be good for you, and you look fake. Also, coming from a country with a respect for the sun, we know what people who actually are tanned look like by the time they get to 40 (if malignant melanoma hasn't taken care of them already.) You look like Oompa-Loompahs, give it a break.
10. The biggest question I have is: why do you bother going on holiday to Greece or Spain, if all you are going to do is screw other English people, drink English beer, and not even enjoy the sun. You may as well save some money and stay at home
Jeez, another list which makes me seem like an old geezer. I didn't even mention the hatred of the French, or gypsies. Anyway, I might put some pictures up. Take care everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment