NBA Team Logos Rated Subjectively: East

After the raging success of my walk throughs of Super 15 Teams of New Zealand and Australia, I thought we'd go back to my first love: basketball. I'll go through the logos of the teams from the Eastern Conference, because in every country I've lived in, the East has been the best coast. Please not that all logos below are taken from the wonderful site found here, unless otherwise stated. That website includes old and forgotten logos and even the logos of teams which are now disbanded, such as the Toronto Huskies and the San Diego Conquistadors, who need to make a comeback as soon as. Anyway...

1. Atlanta Hawks

  A good animal for a basketball team to be named after It can fly (for slam dunks) and has talons (for grabbing the ball and kicking ass), and could also fly away from Atlanta, which is depicted as a dump in popular culture, and by friends who've been there. I also like the old logo, with a anthropomorphous muscular hawk holding a ball, and inexplicably wearing kneepads.

 This is cool, but if you crossed it with this...

[source]

The world would end.

2. Boston Celtics

Boston has a huge Irish population and a bizarre, American-Irish culture. Seriously, would that logo be used in actual Ireland? probably not. However, now that the team has a dozen giant black guys as the stars, we can assume that there are a lot of ginger haired skeletons rolling in their graves. The logo itself is not so great, it's a leprechaun, with a cane. A hobbled short person? he won't be so good at 'balling.

3. Charlotte Bobcats

 Bobcats are kind of cute, but kind of deadly, it's a good animal to be named after. The team just set the record for the worst ever league record, winning less than one in ten games. These guys were the Hornets when I was a kid, but the Hornets now play in New Orleans, in the Western Conference, which we'll look at later. The Bobcats, not bad, and it's always nice to have a logo which doesn't have a basketball on it.

4. Chicago bulls

 This is the only logo the bulls have ever used, and for good reason. Bulls are a good animal, and they have captured them well. The logo is good, and seems to have bred success (with the help of Michael Jordan). Incidentally, bulls up close are colossal creatures, not to mention delicious. Also, if you flip the logo upside down, it looks like an angry robot reading a book.

5. Cleveland Cavaliers

 This logo is pretty good, clear and a good mix of colours, but Cavaliers remains a stupid name for a team. There were no Cavaliers in America, and you feel they chose it for the alliteration. A better name: Cleveland Cattle, which would allow you to make the crowd do a 'Stampede' (everyone stomps on the ground hard to intimidate the opposition). Either that or 'Crustaceans' but Cleveland's a bit far from the sea. This would all be forgotten though, if they brought back this awesome logo and colour scheme:

6. Detroit Pistons

 Name is tied into the car manufacturing history of the town, which is now in decline. Also, they used to be the Fort Wayne Pistons. A less recent logo has incorporated horses into the logo, making a bizarre piston-horse blend, swamped in colour and detail. As seen here: 

 A better team name: Detroit Gangsters (which wouldn't be allowed).

7. Indiana Pacers

It's a basketballing 'P' going quickly. I suppose Pacers is a good name for a team in a sport where pace is important, but it could easily be more interesting. For example, the Indiana Tomahawks, or Indiana Hatchets, with the axe angled to act as the 'P' (and thus remind everyone of the Pacers, because the name change was pointless). However, no matter what changes took place, nothing would be as frightening as this:

disembodied hand groping a tennis ball.

8. Miami Heat

It's pretty hot in Miami, so makes sense in a boring way. Team's fulla dicks. Also, the logo has a burning ring, which just reminds everyone of Indian food. A better name: Miami Gators. Easy

9. Milwaukee Bucks

A good animal, well armed and surprisingly big. The logo (I think this is from a while ago, they are green and red now) was great. Purple is surprisingly tough for a colour often associated with homosexuality, and makes a good logo colour.I also have fondness for this little thing from the past.

10. New Jersey Nets / Brookyln Nets

Are soon to move to Brooklyn. Despite the logo, which is surprisingly cool for something which is so dull (a ball in the logo, how original!) On top of that it's a stupid name for a team, akin to calling a soccer team the goals.Weak. The move to Brookyn should have been used to rename them the Brookyln Bombers or something....

11. New York Knicks

I had always assumed that a Knickerbocker was a historic name for a New Yorker. Wikipedia seems to agree, but the team name may also be linked to the shorts the team wore, which are now only seen on the golf course. and then I find this logo used from the 1940s-1960s which kind of explains it:

For such a historic team, the modern logo is pretty ordinary, probably because it's so iconic they can't change it. A Better name now: New york Narwhals. imagine fun the crowd could have with the fake horns strapped to their heads.

12 . Orlando Magic

Weak. I hate magic, and am unimpressed with tricks (or illusions). The older logo, below, is the better one, and it also perfectly encapsulates the 1990s.

To move away from magic, and towards the awesome might of nature, they should be called the Orlando Hurricanes.

13. Philadelphia 76ers. 

Another poor team name, but untouchable because it is tied into the American Revolution, which Americans love (even when they now nothing else about it). For the record, the logo they have now (above) is better than the nonsense they went with for too long (below):

14. Toronto Raptors

I love this logo. The Raptor is wearing shoes, but the claws have come out, and someone stuffed it into a uniform. It looks pretty, but not very, angry. A joy. The Raptors are now the only Canadian team in the NBA, and were founded in 1995, just after Jurassic Park, which explains their name: violent, ferocious animal which was immensely popular at the time. Solid, although I prefer the name of:

15. Washington Wizards 

For my views on magic, see Orlando. This name is only slightly better, although commentators on matches always mention that the Wizards need to 'conjure up a win.' The logo is a little abstract, and I'm surprisedthat no internet crazybags have likened the position of the wizard's arms to that of a swastika...*

 The team was called the bullets, which was changed after the millionth person pointed out that Washington was a murder capitol of the world. Instead, alliteration was chosen as being better than bringing up murder and gangs. However, the Wizard doesn't have Jazz hands like this:

In conclusion: I hope you 'enjoyed' this, Western Conference can be found here.

*I'm sure someone has likened it to a swastika, but, I didn't have it in me to type that into a search engine.