Wednesday 23 May 2012

What To do With £1 Billion

Roman Abramovich took his ill-gotten gains away from the Russian people. Among other things (the yacht, the vacuous wife, awful art), he now owns Chelsea Football Club. His worth is roughly US$14b, of which around £800m has gone to Chelsea, paying wages and buying players. What does he have as a result? According to Wikipedia, the team he funds has Three premier league titles, four FA Cups, Three League Cups, and now a European Championship. Here's what I would have done with £800m instead.

1. Help out animals: breeding programmes, buying up land for them, and having armed guards protecting them from poaching.

2. Money to help educate people about birth control. We don't need another 7 billion idiots walking around being misinformed on the issues.

3. Start own Television Empire, use it to make it interesting and bizarre shows. One channel would give
free-reign to creative talents to make shows they want to make, as ratings wouldn't be such a problem, you would hope they would come up with more interesting stuff than is on now. On another channel, you could show poachers being killed (see #1). 

4. Also, on another channel: A Battle Royale style thing where D-List celebrities are given weapons to kill each other. I want to see Fearne Cotton killed by someone from Made in Chelsea. Tell them that the winner will be set free, and then kill them, out of spite.

5. In fact, ANYTHING but buying a soccer club, buying a European Chamionship but still only winning on penalities, and making fat, stupid Londoners happy. Really unimpressive.

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